Breathing, Praying and Believing

I am exhausted.... but strong.  

I am sleepy... yet, there are a few more things to do before bed.  

I am craving stability... being patient, because I know it's coming.  

I could really use a hot bath, a time out, a massage, some gym time, some me time.... I'll make it happen.  

The baby needs some mama time... I know. 

Malik needs some help with his speech... I didn't forget.

Isaiah is a lover and quick to get angry with his brother... I'm working with him.

Jayden is my empath.  She's always taking on other people's energy... I'm aware.

Tiana is a beautiful girl growing into that amazing woman she is destined to be... I've got this.

Shaylee, my college star, is worrying about her family.  I'm trying to comfort and reassure her... but, with what words and what reassurance?  

I'm always positive, upbeat, optimistic... always.  

I almost feel bad that now there are times I'm just drained and finding it hard to see the beautiful things that I know are headed our way.  

I always remind myself at the end of the day.... no matter what challenges I am facing and what comes my way, it is better than staying in a marriage with an alcoholic.

It's better for me, for these babies and my ex.  Everyone is healthier.  

Then I remember how blessed we truly are... and how grateful I truly am.

We have two days left at my sisters home.  I have diligently searched for a place for this beautiful crew to spread out and call home.  The locations and places I have seen aren't suitable for us.  In my price range I've seen a range of issues from mold, to outdated furnaces and broken water heaters and on and on.  There are two bedrooms, but the owners aren't comfortable with my size family residing there... can't blame them, really.  Section 8 is just closed... yea, closed.  All of the affordable housing, transitional housing and shelters are full.  I can get on a wait list for a year or two.  There are a couple of places I may be able to get into... but only to loose them in the next six months because I won't be able to afford the rent and bills.  

After all of my hunting and viewing, my dad and brother are set on me purchasing an RV to live in.  That is cool... the RV would be mine.  But, that doesn't feel so stable.  I'm not up to leaving the kids in a RV while I am at work.  Then there is parking and moving the RV.  The toilet situation with my crew?  Dumping that daily!  Not thinking that is what I am searching for. 

Found a two bedroom, one bath that will accept my crew.  One of my neighbor's is a loud drunk.  I left that three years ago and really don't want my family living next to it.  I don't really want him hitting on me either.   The neighborhood?  Yea, not-so-sure.... who knows.  Maybe it will do us for a small period of time?  Guess stability is taking a detour and will arrive another day.  

Breathing, praying and believing....