My day started off slow and unproductive, but tonight was incredible.
I am so in love! I'm so in love with my job! I get to nourish and feed people with organic produce and herbal, natural supplements. I am in my zone and enjoying my passions in life. I am loving my coworkers and customers. I have already met SO many beautiful souls.
I was doing my thing tonight with a genuine smile and love for everyone that was coming to the juice bar. There were some super amazing people coming through my line. I had conversations ranging from someone who had a passion for knowledge in general, to people skills, the purpose of life, life dreams and goals, family, illnesses, and the list goes on.
There was one gentleman in his late 50's or early 60's I would guess. He was in with his daughters and/or granddaughters? They were wanting some Gelato (ice cream). I was giving them generous samples and really enjoying their presence. I hooked them up with big, beautiful bowls of their favorite flavors. The gentleman was telling me he wanted me to ring him up. I explained that I hadn't been trained on the register and couldn't do that. I pointed him over to a register and told him the cashier would take care of him. He proceeded to tell me he wanted me to do it and I needed to walk over to the register with him. So, I walked over with him to make him comfortable. He owed the cashier $10 for the ice cream he purchased. I told him thank you and headed back to the juice bar. He followed me back to the juice bar and held his hand out in a fist. He said he had something for me. I advised him that we don't accept tips at this store but that the thought was enough... I was grateful he even wanted to tip me. He insisted and said he was from Wyoming, so that didn't pertain to him and that I needed to hold out my hand. I did. The man tipped me $40! I couldn't believe it! He said I had the most positive attitude and was so helpful to his family... he wanted me to have that. He walked away swiftly and I stood there in awe. Wow, this man just tipped me $40 and there were no strings attached. He wasn't hitting on me and had no other intentions. Wow.... so grateful and surprised.
I continued working and couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. I was cleaning and decided to take the trash to the bin outside of the store in the front of the building. As I was headed that way, I ran into him and his family again. I expressed how amazed, appreciative and grateful I was. I told him he made my night. He said he was really glad to hear that. I also informed him that I was a single mama of six and that $40 was really going to be used for the family. When he heard that, his face lit up and he said he was REALLY glad he did that and thanked me for telling him.
It was a mutual appreciation for the other. We both walked away smiling and feeling grateful. What a beautiful stranger.
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I Surrender, And Then...
So, I didn't want to move next to the drunk initially. Then, I surrendered... I geared myself up to living next door to him. I just didn't see any other option, so I was going to take the one I had. It was on and I was ready.
My sister, father and friends did not approve and were not going to allow that to happen... thank goodness! I so love the earth angels in my life. My sister talked me into going to breakfast with her instead of signing a lease for that place. She for sure didn't want me to move there. One of my girlfriends decided to look on line for me and send me every listing she could find in my price range. My dad? Well, he was silent about it, but I could just feel his disapproving vibe driving right into my core. ;)
I went through the listings from my girlfriend and found an apartment even closer to my work, in a lovely neighborhood, that I can afford, 3 bedrooms, two baths, bigger space, with all the extras... a park on site, a work out facility that is open 24 hours a day, two pools, basketball hoops, and on and on.
I have applied and will find out in the next couple of days if my application has been approved! I'm thinking it will... there is nothing I can think of that won't pass their criteria.
Tonight was my first night at work and I am so in my zone! I love my job and the people there. It's going to be a phenomenal place for me. I have found my place in the world for now. I am super grateful and excited.
Things are starting to fall into place and I am overflowing with gratitude.
Independence, stability and clarity are feeling attainable.
My sister, father and friends did not approve and were not going to allow that to happen... thank goodness! I so love the earth angels in my life. My sister talked me into going to breakfast with her instead of signing a lease for that place. She for sure didn't want me to move there. One of my girlfriends decided to look on line for me and send me every listing she could find in my price range. My dad? Well, he was silent about it, but I could just feel his disapproving vibe driving right into my core. ;)
I went through the listings from my girlfriend and found an apartment even closer to my work, in a lovely neighborhood, that I can afford, 3 bedrooms, two baths, bigger space, with all the extras... a park on site, a work out facility that is open 24 hours a day, two pools, basketball hoops, and on and on.
I have applied and will find out in the next couple of days if my application has been approved! I'm thinking it will... there is nothing I can think of that won't pass their criteria.
Tonight was my first night at work and I am so in my zone! I love my job and the people there. It's going to be a phenomenal place for me. I have found my place in the world for now. I am super grateful and excited.
Things are starting to fall into place and I am overflowing with gratitude.
Independence, stability and clarity are feeling attainable.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thought About It
Alright, I'm taking the row house option with the drunk next door. I am strong enough to make this work. I've got it and not concerned. I spoke with the landlord today, she's sweet and the home is decent and affordable. I can compromise.... it's not my big, beautiful mountain home, but it's going to be home for now.
The drunk? Well, he can be loud at night because we get up early and the kids can sleep through just about anything. ;)
No, honestly, I will send him love quietly and keep my boundaries with me and the kids. I can do all of that while being firm and clear.
I went into work today and filled out paperwork. I just love that place and this is going to be super healthy for me. I am hoping and praying I can get the kids situated, comfortable and safe while I am working.
I have my schedule and have been given 40 hours this coming week. This is going to be an adjustment for the family. We can handle it... the kids are amazing and so great at adjusting to new situations, challenges and changes. We are a strong unit.
One day I am feeling strong and confident... the next, I am just so drained and feeling lost. That's alright though... the "feeling lost" doesn't last.
The drunk? Well, he can be loud at night because we get up early and the kids can sleep through just about anything. ;)
No, honestly, I will send him love quietly and keep my boundaries with me and the kids. I can do all of that while being firm and clear.
I went into work today and filled out paperwork. I just love that place and this is going to be super healthy for me. I am hoping and praying I can get the kids situated, comfortable and safe while I am working.
I have my schedule and have been given 40 hours this coming week. This is going to be an adjustment for the family. We can handle it... the kids are amazing and so great at adjusting to new situations, challenges and changes. We are a strong unit.
One day I am feeling strong and confident... the next, I am just so drained and feeling lost. That's alright though... the "feeling lost" doesn't last.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Breathing, Praying and Believing
I am exhausted.... but strong.
I am sleepy... yet, there are a few more things to do before bed.
I am craving stability... being patient, because I know it's coming.
I could really use a hot bath, a time out, a massage, some gym time, some me time.... I'll make it happen.
The baby needs some mama time... I know.
Malik needs some help with his speech... I didn't forget.
Isaiah is a lover and quick to get angry with his brother... I'm working with him.
Jayden is my empath. She's always taking on other people's energy... I'm aware.
Tiana is a beautiful girl growing into that amazing woman she is destined to be... I've got this.
Shaylee, my college star, is worrying about her family. I'm trying to comfort and reassure her... but, with what words and what reassurance?
I'm always positive, upbeat, optimistic... always.
I almost feel bad that now there are times I'm just drained and finding it hard to see the beautiful things that I know are headed our way.
I always remind myself at the end of the day.... no matter what challenges I am facing and what comes my way, it is better than staying in a marriage with an alcoholic.
It's better for me, for these babies and my ex. Everyone is healthier.
Then I remember how blessed we truly are... and how grateful I truly am.
We have two days left at my sisters home. I have diligently searched for a place for this beautiful crew to spread out and call home. The locations and places I have seen aren't suitable for us. In my price range I've seen a range of issues from mold, to outdated furnaces and broken water heaters and on and on. There are two bedrooms, but the owners aren't comfortable with my size family residing there... can't blame them, really. Section 8 is just closed... yea, closed. All of the affordable housing, transitional housing and shelters are full. I can get on a wait list for a year or two. There are a couple of places I may be able to get into... but only to loose them in the next six months because I won't be able to afford the rent and bills.
After all of my hunting and viewing, my dad and brother are set on me purchasing an RV to live in. That is cool... the RV would be mine. But, that doesn't feel so stable. I'm not up to leaving the kids in a RV while I am at work. Then there is parking and moving the RV. The toilet situation with my crew? Dumping that daily! Not thinking that is what I am searching for.
Found a two bedroom, one bath that will accept my crew. One of my neighbor's is a loud drunk. I left that three years ago and really don't want my family living next to it. I don't really want him hitting on me either. The neighborhood? Yea, not-so-sure.... who knows. Maybe it will do us for a small period of time? Guess stability is taking a detour and will arrive another day.
Breathing, praying and believing....
Monday, October 17, 2011
Alright! The Time Is Now...
I have been staying with my sister during this transition and have to be out by Friday.... four days from now! Not too worried, something is going to work out. Our perfect home will find us!
I am heading out today to drive around the area we wish to live. I've done all the calling, craigslist, and other home finder options. Now, I'm doing what I do best... putting it out there and going to run into it. ;)
I got a job! I'm working in an environment that is going to be amazing! It is my "cup of tea." ;) I will be working in a natural food store that is beyond incredible. They stand for everything I believe in... supporting local farmers and businesses, family owned, not going corporate, they are putting their all into this one location and do not plan on opening any new stores, community service, recycling, re-using, loving, giving, smiling and spreading peace and happiness. It is really just a beautiful store, too. It's set up with an organic sushi bar, natural and organic bakery with the most amazing chocolate, an organic coffee bar with more options than any other coffee shop I've seen, and on and on.
I've been able to get the girls to school at their old school almost every day. There have been a couple of times I just didn't have the gas money. But, for the most part, they get to go. They aren't enrolled in the school just yet. The school has just been amazing at welcoming us back and are happy to have them whenever I can get them there. It's so nice to have a supportive community. As a single mama, I am blessed with that. As soon as we are settled in a place, I will enroll them. Just want to make sure we are actually staying in the area.
I have a job, the girls have their school.... but all of this depends on us having a home in the area. I'm sure it will work out. I am feeling pretty grounded with it all and not too stressed.
Also met someone special... it's super fresh and our connection feels strong.
Just staying open to seeing what happens with all of these blessings and challenges in my life. Whatever is to come, I've got this and am grateful for it all.
I am heading out today to drive around the area we wish to live. I've done all the calling, craigslist, and other home finder options. Now, I'm doing what I do best... putting it out there and going to run into it. ;)
I got a job! I'm working in an environment that is going to be amazing! It is my "cup of tea." ;) I will be working in a natural food store that is beyond incredible. They stand for everything I believe in... supporting local farmers and businesses, family owned, not going corporate, they are putting their all into this one location and do not plan on opening any new stores, community service, recycling, re-using, loving, giving, smiling and spreading peace and happiness. It is really just a beautiful store, too. It's set up with an organic sushi bar, natural and organic bakery with the most amazing chocolate, an organic coffee bar with more options than any other coffee shop I've seen, and on and on.
I've been able to get the girls to school at their old school almost every day. There have been a couple of times I just didn't have the gas money. But, for the most part, they get to go. They aren't enrolled in the school just yet. The school has just been amazing at welcoming us back and are happy to have them whenever I can get them there. It's so nice to have a supportive community. As a single mama, I am blessed with that. As soon as we are settled in a place, I will enroll them. Just want to make sure we are actually staying in the area.
I have a job, the girls have their school.... but all of this depends on us having a home in the area. I'm sure it will work out. I am feeling pretty grounded with it all and not too stressed.
Also met someone special... it's super fresh and our connection feels strong.
Just staying open to seeing what happens with all of these blessings and challenges in my life. Whatever is to come, I've got this and am grateful for it all.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
What's Next?
We're staying at my sister's for a short amount of time. She has another family moving into this house soon. It's nice to have a spot for a little while. I am grateful.
I have options... my mom has welcomed me back to Kansas to stay. I am not so fond of Kansas and I believe my mom and I have a better relationship when we have some distance between us. She would be helpful with these babies, but not so sure it would be healthy for them... or me.
My dad has offered to give me part of my inheritance now. I'm not sure how I feel about even talking out loud about his passing. I have tried to stay open which allows him to talk about it and feel comfortable with it, but he's my daddy and I will miss him so much. He wants me to buy something... like a mobile home. Or put a down payment on a lease with option in Colorado. My dad feels I really need some stability - and he's right! I would love that right about now. He really thinks it would be detrimental if I was to go to Kansas. I value his opinion, but really wish I didn't need help to get settled. My dad has been an apartment manager most of his life and has just been really good about saving. Now he's retired and he doesn't think he will live much longer. He told me yesterday that my grandfather at the age of 86 is in better health than he is at the age of 63. I told him I would look into buying, but really hope to find another way. I don't want to use that money. I'd love for him to hold onto it for now. He may need it someday.
We'll see what is to come. I was able to take my girls to their old school for a visit today. They loved it! They are staying with a friend and will attend school again tomorrow. They are hoping I find a home in the area of their old school. Their teachers are SO excited and really wanting them back and are looking for housing for us, too. That whole community has already welcomed us back. I love all of them. Such sweet, caring and loving people.
It always works out. Sometimes I forget when I am in the middle of it and can't seem to pull myself to the outside of it and look in.
We're more than okay and life is good.
Still have a suspended license and have to get an SR22 before I can reinstate my license... but I really feel like there is a way to contest it. I just haven't found the path yet. That too will work out... I believe it will.
I have options... my mom has welcomed me back to Kansas to stay. I am not so fond of Kansas and I believe my mom and I have a better relationship when we have some distance between us. She would be helpful with these babies, but not so sure it would be healthy for them... or me.
My dad has offered to give me part of my inheritance now. I'm not sure how I feel about even talking out loud about his passing. I have tried to stay open which allows him to talk about it and feel comfortable with it, but he's my daddy and I will miss him so much. He wants me to buy something... like a mobile home. Or put a down payment on a lease with option in Colorado. My dad feels I really need some stability - and he's right! I would love that right about now. He really thinks it would be detrimental if I was to go to Kansas. I value his opinion, but really wish I didn't need help to get settled. My dad has been an apartment manager most of his life and has just been really good about saving. Now he's retired and he doesn't think he will live much longer. He told me yesterday that my grandfather at the age of 86 is in better health than he is at the age of 63. I told him I would look into buying, but really hope to find another way. I don't want to use that money. I'd love for him to hold onto it for now. He may need it someday.
We'll see what is to come. I was able to take my girls to their old school for a visit today. They loved it! They are staying with a friend and will attend school again tomorrow. They are hoping I find a home in the area of their old school. Their teachers are SO excited and really wanting them back and are looking for housing for us, too. That whole community has already welcomed us back. I love all of them. Such sweet, caring and loving people.
It always works out. Sometimes I forget when I am in the middle of it and can't seem to pull myself to the outside of it and look in.
We're more than okay and life is good.
Still have a suspended license and have to get an SR22 before I can reinstate my license... but I really feel like there is a way to contest it. I just haven't found the path yet. That too will work out... I believe it will.
Tickets Dismissed
The two insurance tickets I received from that sheriff have been dismissed. I went to court early on a "Walk-In Wednesday." The DA heard my case and as soon as I told him the story, he immediately dismissed both tickets.
The only other problem was this piece of paper I didn't sign. The one that said I could have had a permit for seven days, go buy insurance and then my license was suspended for four months and I would need a SR22 (something you are supposed to carry if you are at high risk for insurance). That piece of paper was sent directly to the State and DMV. In other words, it was something I couldn't fight in court. The DA told me to go to the DMV and ask them.
I called the DMV. There is always a good hold time when calling the DMV. I waited on hold for about 25 minutes the first time, only to get a lady who was having a bad day. She pretty much told me there was nothing I could do but get a SR22 and then she transferred me quickly to another department that couldn't help me. The second lady I spoke with after calling back was very sweet and patient. She advised me to go back to the sheriff and ask him to withdraw or send in follow up paperwork to cancel the initial 7 day permit paper he had sent in. So, that's what I did.
I went into Sheriff Brown and told him my two tickets had been dismissed. I told him I was out of money from getting my car out of the pound, already paying for and reinstating my license the first time, and buying insurance. I also asked him if he really thought I was high risk. If you look at my DMV record, there is nothing on there indicating I am high risk for insurance. I have no insurance tickets, no DUI's, nothing indicating I should have to carry a SR22. He responded with he didn't know and he would check into seeing what he could do. He said he had never heard of or participated in a process canceling paperwork that he had already sent into the State.
In the end, I was out of money, couldn't get to and from work, had already pulled my girls from school, my boys were missing school (because I couldn't drive), not able to get to the grocery store, and just feeling like maybe Fairplay wasn't the place for us.
Then I came home from driving illegally to the foodbank and found a notice on my door stating the attorney and sheriff were planning a lock out on the house. That was my final indication that this was just not going to work out in Fairplay, Colorado.
Packed up the house and loaded a U-Haul in one day. Just grabbed everything that would fit in a 14 foot truck and left everything else at the house. My kids were visiting their dad that weekend My oldest daughter from college and my sister came up to help me load the truck.
I am staying with my sister for now. It's only been about four days. I put all of our belongings in storage in Aurora by my dad's house.
And somewhere during all this my youngest son, Keenan (2), decided to do an experiment including my HTC Inspire 4G phone, water, salt and toothpaste. :) What can ya do? The boy is curious and creative and I can't squash that. The bummer is that my phone was my camera and my computer too.
Oh well... I had a break down with tears in front of the officer. After that, nothing has surprised or upset me much. Whatever comes my way will pass. I can hang and am strong enough to deal. My kids are amazing and happy to be out of Fairplay.
I am ready for some stability, clarity and peace. So, Universe.... bring it soon, please. ;)
The only other problem was this piece of paper I didn't sign. The one that said I could have had a permit for seven days, go buy insurance and then my license was suspended for four months and I would need a SR22 (something you are supposed to carry if you are at high risk for insurance). That piece of paper was sent directly to the State and DMV. In other words, it was something I couldn't fight in court. The DA told me to go to the DMV and ask them.
I called the DMV. There is always a good hold time when calling the DMV. I waited on hold for about 25 minutes the first time, only to get a lady who was having a bad day. She pretty much told me there was nothing I could do but get a SR22 and then she transferred me quickly to another department that couldn't help me. The second lady I spoke with after calling back was very sweet and patient. She advised me to go back to the sheriff and ask him to withdraw or send in follow up paperwork to cancel the initial 7 day permit paper he had sent in. So, that's what I did.
I went into Sheriff Brown and told him my two tickets had been dismissed. I told him I was out of money from getting my car out of the pound, already paying for and reinstating my license the first time, and buying insurance. I also asked him if he really thought I was high risk. If you look at my DMV record, there is nothing on there indicating I am high risk for insurance. I have no insurance tickets, no DUI's, nothing indicating I should have to carry a SR22. He responded with he didn't know and he would check into seeing what he could do. He said he had never heard of or participated in a process canceling paperwork that he had already sent into the State.
In the end, I was out of money, couldn't get to and from work, had already pulled my girls from school, my boys were missing school (because I couldn't drive), not able to get to the grocery store, and just feeling like maybe Fairplay wasn't the place for us.
Then I came home from driving illegally to the foodbank and found a notice on my door stating the attorney and sheriff were planning a lock out on the house. That was my final indication that this was just not going to work out in Fairplay, Colorado.
Packed up the house and loaded a U-Haul in one day. Just grabbed everything that would fit in a 14 foot truck and left everything else at the house. My kids were visiting their dad that weekend My oldest daughter from college and my sister came up to help me load the truck.
I am staying with my sister for now. It's only been about four days. I put all of our belongings in storage in Aurora by my dad's house.
And somewhere during all this my youngest son, Keenan (2), decided to do an experiment including my HTC Inspire 4G phone, water, salt and toothpaste. :) What can ya do? The boy is curious and creative and I can't squash that. The bummer is that my phone was my camera and my computer too.
Oh well... I had a break down with tears in front of the officer. After that, nothing has surprised or upset me much. Whatever comes my way will pass. I can hang and am strong enough to deal. My kids are amazing and happy to be out of Fairplay.
I am ready for some stability, clarity and peace. So, Universe.... bring it soon, please. ;)
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Why Is It Called "Fair" Play?
Fairplay is beautiful country for sure. It's beautiful and I saw my first moose there! I loved my girlfriend's home. I would take the kids up to visit often in the last couple of years. It was my sanctuary... my place to breathe.
I'm a dreamer. I always have been. I am always optimistic and not such a great planner. I just believe it will work out somehow and go with it. Deep down, I felt as if I would end up in my girl's house.
I did end up living in her home, but it was very short lived. I am still very grateful! I spent every night there being grateful for every part of it. I loved the big, jacuzzi tub in the master suite. It was shaped like a heart and located right in the bedroom. I had double sinks, a separate toilet area, and a walk in, 7-headed shower with a bench! The whole house was tiled with slate. The wood work was amazing! There were three bedrooms and three baths... all of which were jacuzzi tubs. Big windows, beautiful lot full of Aspens... just perfect.
She was letting her home go into foreclosure. There are enough foreclosures and empty homes and I needed to move out of the trailer I was staying in, so I moved into my dream home as soon as my girlfriend moved out.
The trailer I had been staying in had an electric bill averaging $150 a month in the summer time! I didn't have AC, didn't have a swamp cooler (didn't need it in the mountains), no washer or dryer... why was bill SO high? I found out later that the tenant before me had sued the landlord for having an electric water heater leak and not taking care of it, causing her really high utility bills. The same problem still existed. And my plants leaves were turning black! I've never seen that before. Looking back, my kiddos were sick for a few weeks... it was definitely mold.
After we moved into my girlfriend's home, I decided to find a good middle school for my girl. I had already decided on and enrolled my boys into an amazing Montessori school in the area. The kids and I investigated, visited and researched the three different options around the area. We chose one that was in Buena Vista... about a 45 minute drive from our home in Fairplay. It's SO important to me that my kids be somewhere we are all comfortable with. I was willing to drive about 20 minutes to the bus stop where Tiana would get on a bus and go another 25 minutes to school. We loved that school so much, we checked out the Elementary school and decided that would fit Jayden's needs. So, both the girls would get on the same bus and go to school in BV.
I had a plan... all the kids in schools that would help them excel and grow as beautiful beings, then I was to get a full time job. All while I was living in a foreclosed property... that was the uncertainty in the big picture. But affordable and ours while we were there. I had already been balancing a part time job at a cute cafe/bakery in the town of Fairplay.
Then, after hearing all of the horrible cop/sheriff stories... it happened.
I got a call from my cousin at around 6am. Andrew said he was coming through Fairplay on his way to BV and wanted to stop and see us. I told him we were on our way out the door and headed to the bus stop which was right on his way to BV. We decided to meet up at the bus stop.
He is 19 (about the same age as my oldest daughter) and had two buddies with him around the same age. They are all white with tattoos everywhere.
I pulled right between two families who were also waiting for the bus. Andrew came running up to the car and we had a small reunion at the bus stop. The kids were really excited to see him... especially my boys. They love to play with Andrew because he wrestles with them and gives them gifts like boxing gloves. It's all about the manly energy with these boys.
My two girls got on the bus and Andrew decided he had some time and wanted to see my new place. So Andrew hopped in my car and his two buddies followed us as we headed to my house.
Right down from the pass, there was a sheriff parked on the side of the road. I look up and the two boys behind me were getting pulled over. Andrew and I and my three boys pulled ahead a ways, pulled over and waited. When it seemed like forever and they didn't come, we went back to make sure they were alright.
The sheriff was still behind them with his lights on until I passed him. He then turned his lights off, turned around, got behind me, turned on his lights and pulled me over. By this time, I had a gut feeling he had profiled us. It was my hair, their tattoos, and later I realized it may have been all of the above AND my beautiful darker skinned babies. Someone else had to point that out because my being doesn't even think like that.
Sheriff Brown came to my window and asked for my DL and registration... I said no. I was kind of angry and unhappy that he had pulled me over. I wasn't speeding, I didn't violate any laws... why was this man pulling me over.
I said, "No... tell me why you pulled me over." The sheriff started to tell me that the Wild Life Officer (who I had seen before at the bus stop) that was dropping off his son, called in and said there was suspicious activity at the bus stop. I asked him again, "So, why did you pull ME over?" The sheriff then said for a traffic violation. I asked then if that was a general statement so he would have time to think of a real reason. Again, I asked why he pulled me over. He then said it was because I had a kid in the back... meaning Isaiah in the trunk space. I answered with, "There are three (kids) in here... two in car seats and one in the back in his seat belt. There are seats back there." He acted surprised, but not really.
The sheriff had finally come up with probable cause... he was checking to make sure my kids were in car seats that needed to be. He didn't find anything to charge Andrew's buddies with and I found out later he had told them (as I was driving by to check on them) that he was going to pull me over next to find out what was "really" going on.
I finally gave in and gave him my DL, registration and expired insurance card.
Come to find out, my DL had been cancelled and denied due to an unpaid ticket (for expired tags) from last year. On top of that, my insurance card was expired. The sheriff proceeded to give me a piece of paper that stated my license was cancelled and it wasn't lawful to drive, but it wasn't a ticket. The second piece of paper was a ticket that said if I showed insurance on the court date next month, that ticket would be dropped.
So, I couldn't drive and my cousin didn't have a DL. We had to walk. My cousin hopped in the car with his buddies and I told him to head onto BV. My three sons and I started walking the opposite direction toward Fairplay.
There I was in my PJ's and my youngest, Keenan, didn't have his shoes on.
It didn't take long before a really nice Bishop from an Orthodox church in the canyon pulled over and picked us up. I asked him to take me to the sheriff's office. I was going to submit a complaint... that's what I did.
After submitting the complaint stating I felt as if the officer had profiled us, I was on foot trying to figure out my next step. My priority was to get my license back... so I headed toward Frisco to the closest DMV. Frisco was a good 45 minute DRIVE from Fairplay. I was on foot, but knew it would work out.
A local man saw us and recognized us. He picked us up and drove us over the pass, to my girlfriends house to pick up some cash, and onto Frisco to get my license reinstated. He then took me back over the pass and to my car just in time to pick up my girls. My insurance? Well, in my mind I was thinking I had until the court date to update and show proof of insurance and I was out of cash. I was planning on taking it out of my next child support payment.
The day before he pulled me over for the second time, Tiana had surgery and I had just started my cycle. I was up all day and night taking her to and from the hospital and then feeding and caring for the rest of my crew. I was tired, emotional, and just beat.
That morning, I was taking Jayden to the school bus. Tiana was home recovering. Her stitches had come out the night before and she was really not feeling well.
After Jayden got on the bus, I headed home. Down the hill from the bus stop, the sheriff was waiting for me again. He got behind me and pulled me over. As he walked up to the car, I asked if he would be doing this regularly. I asked if maybe we would eventually be friends... he said no we wouldn't. I also asked if this was because I had dread locks? Why was he focused on me? He said this time he had to make sure I got my license reinstated and had updated my insurance. I handed him my new paper license (they were mailing my real license to my PO Box). I told him I still had the expired insurance card and I thought I had until the court date to show that.
The sheriff took my paper license and said he was happy to see I had reinstated that.... now he was going to suspend it again - this time, for four months! He went back to his SUV with my paper license. When he came back he had two pieces of paper for me to sign. One was a ticket for insurance. I signed it. The second was this piece of paper that said I would have a seven day permit. He said I could drive my car and go get insurance that day, then I was going to need a SR22 and my license would be suspended thereafter for four months! I kept repeating that back to him and by this time, I was in tears. I just didn't understand why I would sign this paper, go pay more money that I didn't have for insurance, all to have my license suspended again for four months? I was tired, exhausted and just done. Trying to do the single mama thing, moving, checking out schools, signing all of the papers to get my babies in schools, dentist appointments, doctor's appointments, working.... I was just done.
I asked him how I was going to get my kids to school, to the grocery store, to the appointments I had coming up for the dentist and doctors... how was this going to work? He said I would need to have someone drive my kids to and from the bus stop for me. I replied, "Mark..."
He said, "My name is Mike."
I said, "Okay, Mike... you don't get it. I have nobody up here. There is nobody that is going to take my kids to and from school. I will have to withdraw them. I have one girlfriend in Breckenridge... that's it. I am a single mama of five." All of this while tears were streaming.
I felt like at that moment, he had a change in demeanor. Compassion... he was feeling compassion. Something changed, but it was too late. He had already sent in the call and filled out the papers. That is how it felt to me.
The sheriff ended up towing my car because I wouldn't sign this piece of paper. I ended up walking again on the highway to nowhere. I had grabbed my boy's skateboards and helmets because I was sure I wasn't going to see my car again. I was out of money and energy. I called my only girlfriend who was about 45-1 hour away to come pick me up. It was good I had that time on the side of the highway, because I needed a good cry. I needed time to walk it out.
I take full responsibility for the lack of insurance. I do believe the sheriff had a wide range of options to choose from when deciding what to do with me. I feel like he chose the harshest of them. I also believe that profiling was the initial reason for the first stop... that is against the law.
Not so "Fair." Maybe they should rename the town. ;)
I'm a dreamer. I always have been. I am always optimistic and not such a great planner. I just believe it will work out somehow and go with it. Deep down, I felt as if I would end up in my girl's house.
I did end up living in her home, but it was very short lived. I am still very grateful! I spent every night there being grateful for every part of it. I loved the big, jacuzzi tub in the master suite. It was shaped like a heart and located right in the bedroom. I had double sinks, a separate toilet area, and a walk in, 7-headed shower with a bench! The whole house was tiled with slate. The wood work was amazing! There were three bedrooms and three baths... all of which were jacuzzi tubs. Big windows, beautiful lot full of Aspens... just perfect.
She was letting her home go into foreclosure. There are enough foreclosures and empty homes and I needed to move out of the trailer I was staying in, so I moved into my dream home as soon as my girlfriend moved out.
The trailer I had been staying in had an electric bill averaging $150 a month in the summer time! I didn't have AC, didn't have a swamp cooler (didn't need it in the mountains), no washer or dryer... why was bill SO high? I found out later that the tenant before me had sued the landlord for having an electric water heater leak and not taking care of it, causing her really high utility bills. The same problem still existed. And my plants leaves were turning black! I've never seen that before. Looking back, my kiddos were sick for a few weeks... it was definitely mold.
After we moved into my girlfriend's home, I decided to find a good middle school for my girl. I had already decided on and enrolled my boys into an amazing Montessori school in the area. The kids and I investigated, visited and researched the three different options around the area. We chose one that was in Buena Vista... about a 45 minute drive from our home in Fairplay. It's SO important to me that my kids be somewhere we are all comfortable with. I was willing to drive about 20 minutes to the bus stop where Tiana would get on a bus and go another 25 minutes to school. We loved that school so much, we checked out the Elementary school and decided that would fit Jayden's needs. So, both the girls would get on the same bus and go to school in BV.
I had a plan... all the kids in schools that would help them excel and grow as beautiful beings, then I was to get a full time job. All while I was living in a foreclosed property... that was the uncertainty in the big picture. But affordable and ours while we were there. I had already been balancing a part time job at a cute cafe/bakery in the town of Fairplay.
Then, after hearing all of the horrible cop/sheriff stories... it happened.
I got a call from my cousin at around 6am. Andrew said he was coming through Fairplay on his way to BV and wanted to stop and see us. I told him we were on our way out the door and headed to the bus stop which was right on his way to BV. We decided to meet up at the bus stop.
He is 19 (about the same age as my oldest daughter) and had two buddies with him around the same age. They are all white with tattoos everywhere.
I pulled right between two families who were also waiting for the bus. Andrew came running up to the car and we had a small reunion at the bus stop. The kids were really excited to see him... especially my boys. They love to play with Andrew because he wrestles with them and gives them gifts like boxing gloves. It's all about the manly energy with these boys.
My two girls got on the bus and Andrew decided he had some time and wanted to see my new place. So Andrew hopped in my car and his two buddies followed us as we headed to my house.
Right down from the pass, there was a sheriff parked on the side of the road. I look up and the two boys behind me were getting pulled over. Andrew and I and my three boys pulled ahead a ways, pulled over and waited. When it seemed like forever and they didn't come, we went back to make sure they were alright.
The sheriff was still behind them with his lights on until I passed him. He then turned his lights off, turned around, got behind me, turned on his lights and pulled me over. By this time, I had a gut feeling he had profiled us. It was my hair, their tattoos, and later I realized it may have been all of the above AND my beautiful darker skinned babies. Someone else had to point that out because my being doesn't even think like that.
Sheriff Brown came to my window and asked for my DL and registration... I said no. I was kind of angry and unhappy that he had pulled me over. I wasn't speeding, I didn't violate any laws... why was this man pulling me over.
I said, "No... tell me why you pulled me over." The sheriff started to tell me that the Wild Life Officer (who I had seen before at the bus stop) that was dropping off his son, called in and said there was suspicious activity at the bus stop. I asked him again, "So, why did you pull ME over?" The sheriff then said for a traffic violation. I asked then if that was a general statement so he would have time to think of a real reason. Again, I asked why he pulled me over. He then said it was because I had a kid in the back... meaning Isaiah in the trunk space. I answered with, "There are three (kids) in here... two in car seats and one in the back in his seat belt. There are seats back there." He acted surprised, but not really.
The sheriff had finally come up with probable cause... he was checking to make sure my kids were in car seats that needed to be. He didn't find anything to charge Andrew's buddies with and I found out later he had told them (as I was driving by to check on them) that he was going to pull me over next to find out what was "really" going on.
I finally gave in and gave him my DL, registration and expired insurance card.
Come to find out, my DL had been cancelled and denied due to an unpaid ticket (for expired tags) from last year. On top of that, my insurance card was expired. The sheriff proceeded to give me a piece of paper that stated my license was cancelled and it wasn't lawful to drive, but it wasn't a ticket. The second piece of paper was a ticket that said if I showed insurance on the court date next month, that ticket would be dropped.
So, I couldn't drive and my cousin didn't have a DL. We had to walk. My cousin hopped in the car with his buddies and I told him to head onto BV. My three sons and I started walking the opposite direction toward Fairplay.
There I was in my PJ's and my youngest, Keenan, didn't have his shoes on.
It didn't take long before a really nice Bishop from an Orthodox church in the canyon pulled over and picked us up. I asked him to take me to the sheriff's office. I was going to submit a complaint... that's what I did.
After submitting the complaint stating I felt as if the officer had profiled us, I was on foot trying to figure out my next step. My priority was to get my license back... so I headed toward Frisco to the closest DMV. Frisco was a good 45 minute DRIVE from Fairplay. I was on foot, but knew it would work out.
A local man saw us and recognized us. He picked us up and drove us over the pass, to my girlfriends house to pick up some cash, and onto Frisco to get my license reinstated. He then took me back over the pass and to my car just in time to pick up my girls. My insurance? Well, in my mind I was thinking I had until the court date to update and show proof of insurance and I was out of cash. I was planning on taking it out of my next child support payment.
The day before he pulled me over for the second time, Tiana had surgery and I had just started my cycle. I was up all day and night taking her to and from the hospital and then feeding and caring for the rest of my crew. I was tired, emotional, and just beat.
That morning, I was taking Jayden to the school bus. Tiana was home recovering. Her stitches had come out the night before and she was really not feeling well.
After Jayden got on the bus, I headed home. Down the hill from the bus stop, the sheriff was waiting for me again. He got behind me and pulled me over. As he walked up to the car, I asked if he would be doing this regularly. I asked if maybe we would eventually be friends... he said no we wouldn't. I also asked if this was because I had dread locks? Why was he focused on me? He said this time he had to make sure I got my license reinstated and had updated my insurance. I handed him my new paper license (they were mailing my real license to my PO Box). I told him I still had the expired insurance card and I thought I had until the court date to show that.
The sheriff took my paper license and said he was happy to see I had reinstated that.... now he was going to suspend it again - this time, for four months! He went back to his SUV with my paper license. When he came back he had two pieces of paper for me to sign. One was a ticket for insurance. I signed it. The second was this piece of paper that said I would have a seven day permit. He said I could drive my car and go get insurance that day, then I was going to need a SR22 and my license would be suspended thereafter for four months! I kept repeating that back to him and by this time, I was in tears. I just didn't understand why I would sign this paper, go pay more money that I didn't have for insurance, all to have my license suspended again for four months? I was tired, exhausted and just done. Trying to do the single mama thing, moving, checking out schools, signing all of the papers to get my babies in schools, dentist appointments, doctor's appointments, working.... I was just done.
I asked him how I was going to get my kids to school, to the grocery store, to the appointments I had coming up for the dentist and doctors... how was this going to work? He said I would need to have someone drive my kids to and from the bus stop for me. I replied, "Mark..."
He said, "My name is Mike."
I said, "Okay, Mike... you don't get it. I have nobody up here. There is nobody that is going to take my kids to and from school. I will have to withdraw them. I have one girlfriend in Breckenridge... that's it. I am a single mama of five." All of this while tears were streaming.
I felt like at that moment, he had a change in demeanor. Compassion... he was feeling compassion. Something changed, but it was too late. He had already sent in the call and filled out the papers. That is how it felt to me.
The sheriff ended up towing my car because I wouldn't sign this piece of paper. I ended up walking again on the highway to nowhere. I had grabbed my boy's skateboards and helmets because I was sure I wasn't going to see my car again. I was out of money and energy. I called my only girlfriend who was about 45-1 hour away to come pick me up. It was good I had that time on the side of the highway, because I needed a good cry. I needed time to walk it out.
I take full responsibility for the lack of insurance. I do believe the sheriff had a wide range of options to choose from when deciding what to do with me. I feel like he chose the harshest of them. I also believe that profiling was the initial reason for the first stop... that is against the law.
Not so "Fair." Maybe they should rename the town. ;)
Fairplay, Colorado...
I have moved us three times in the last five months.
My last roommate was ready for us to leave about a month prior to my girls finishing their school year. Linda was very sweet and honest about it and we have no hard feelings between us. She had just had her fill of our big family in her space. This was in April (2011).
I had to figure out how to keep my girls in their beloved school for the next four weeks. I moved our belongings into my dad's garage and stayed with my dad for a short time. He lives about an hour away from their school. We stayed in his tiny two bedroom townhouse, my dogs in his garage and us all in one room for about a week. I love my dad and he is amazing, but my size family in his space is hard on everyone. And I was really trying to hold it together, but finding myself super stressed. I wanted a space we could spread out, with no roommates, so the kids could just do their kid thing without me in the background saying, "Don't touch the walls, stay in the kitchen with that so it doesn't spill, careful...." Right when I was about to burst, my girlfriend calls and says she is on vacation and I can go up to her beautiful mountain house (my sanctuary) and stay there for the next three weeks to a month! Yay! The only concern was my girls. This house was three hours from my girls' school. Not sure how that was going to work out, but we were going.
I went to the girls' school to update them on our situation and both of their teachers (who happen to be husband and wife) simultaneously said, "Well, I guess they are coming to stay with us until school is out." ;) What a great little community! Those teachers and I had been so close and such good friends, I was instantly okay with that. When the girls found out, they were ECSTATIC! They loved their teachers and knew it was going to be a blast. They were happy to be able to finish up their school year, too.
The girls would stay with their teachers during the week and I would get them on the weekends. What a trip... it was like I had visitation. We had never been apart that long. It worked out well, though. The girls ended up leaving there with some great memories and got to finish the school year with all of their friends.
On the last day of house sitting for my girlfriend, I knew I wasn't going back to my dad's to stay. That just couldn't happen. So, I ended up looking around in the town my girlfriend lived to see if I could find a place I could afford that would take all of us. I wanted a place with no one above or below us, no roommates, so the kids could finally just live. A place where we could be a family and spread out.
I found one on my way out of town! It was a trailer home, but it was affordable and decent. No close neighbors and it felt great to be able to have our own space! Yay!
Now I had to tell the girls we had moved out of the area of their favorite school into a town I wasn't really familiar with. That wasn't going to be easy. But we had our own home!
Yeah, they were not happy. They were going to miss their teachers and friends and didn't want to live in this new town so far from everything. Tiana was pretty upset with me.
That's part of doing my mama thing, though. We really just needed a place that was ours and Fairplay, Colorado happen to be where we landed.
Little did I know about this town that we now lived in. Wow...
My last roommate was ready for us to leave about a month prior to my girls finishing their school year. Linda was very sweet and honest about it and we have no hard feelings between us. She had just had her fill of our big family in her space. This was in April (2011).
I had to figure out how to keep my girls in their beloved school for the next four weeks. I moved our belongings into my dad's garage and stayed with my dad for a short time. He lives about an hour away from their school. We stayed in his tiny two bedroom townhouse, my dogs in his garage and us all in one room for about a week. I love my dad and he is amazing, but my size family in his space is hard on everyone. And I was really trying to hold it together, but finding myself super stressed. I wanted a space we could spread out, with no roommates, so the kids could just do their kid thing without me in the background saying, "Don't touch the walls, stay in the kitchen with that so it doesn't spill, careful...." Right when I was about to burst, my girlfriend calls and says she is on vacation and I can go up to her beautiful mountain house (my sanctuary) and stay there for the next three weeks to a month! Yay! The only concern was my girls. This house was three hours from my girls' school. Not sure how that was going to work out, but we were going.
I went to the girls' school to update them on our situation and both of their teachers (who happen to be husband and wife) simultaneously said, "Well, I guess they are coming to stay with us until school is out." ;) What a great little community! Those teachers and I had been so close and such good friends, I was instantly okay with that. When the girls found out, they were ECSTATIC! They loved their teachers and knew it was going to be a blast. They were happy to be able to finish up their school year, too.
The girls would stay with their teachers during the week and I would get them on the weekends. What a trip... it was like I had visitation. We had never been apart that long. It worked out well, though. The girls ended up leaving there with some great memories and got to finish the school year with all of their friends.
On the last day of house sitting for my girlfriend, I knew I wasn't going back to my dad's to stay. That just couldn't happen. So, I ended up looking around in the town my girlfriend lived to see if I could find a place I could afford that would take all of us. I wanted a place with no one above or below us, no roommates, so the kids could finally just live. A place where we could be a family and spread out.
I found one on my way out of town! It was a trailer home, but it was affordable and decent. No close neighbors and it felt great to be able to have our own space! Yay!
Now I had to tell the girls we had moved out of the area of their favorite school into a town I wasn't really familiar with. That wasn't going to be easy. But we had our own home!
Yeah, they were not happy. They were going to miss their teachers and friends and didn't want to live in this new town so far from everything. Tiana was pretty upset with me.
That's part of doing my mama thing, though. We really just needed a place that was ours and Fairplay, Colorado happen to be where we landed.
Little did I know about this town that we now lived in. Wow...
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Still doing my thing...
Just don't know how this works daily and some days are more challenging then others, but overall I know we're always more than taken care of and all is well. I feel loved and when I start to feel alone in the world, I can quickly remind myself I am not.
These last few months have been super challenging. For some reason, I kept thinking that soon everything was going to smooth out. Now, I'm not surprised when new challenges pop out of no where... one after another. ;) I am not surprised when we have to move again, or when my cell phone gets put into some water, toothpaste and salt because one of my sweet boys is curious and creative.
Ya know, I have tried to write three times in the last two days. So much has happened over the last 3-6 months, I am not even sure where to start. All I know at this point is, I love my kiddos, love life, am okay with the "set backs" and challenges, and I'm always ready for more and gotta stop being surprised by anything that comes my way. I am also very blessed, too. SO many earth angels in my life along this journey and I am getting the life lessons that I need so I may grow and expand.
Maybe I should start with some lessons I have learned.... I know my budgeting needs some focus and clarity. I know I have a tendency to withdraw from situations and people in my life very quickly. In the future, I will work on that... when I feel like withdrawing, I will take another route. I will think about how important the relationship is, if I really want this relationship in my life and what role it plays, and just think about the bigger picture before jumping to conclusions. My withdraw issues are related to insecurities and not feeling protected in a relationship (friend, boyfriend, family, etc.). I don't like being judged... but will work on not worrying too much about that. I have learned a LOT about me through this and I have a feeling I am so far from "done." ;)
Well, world... this warrior mama is not giving up. I'm just not... it's not in me. I love these babies, love life and it's on! Bring it. I am here to help change the world for the better, love and guide my beautiful little beings, laugh a lot, stay positive, and spread love.
For all of those that have not been able to bring themselves outside of their suffering, I send love, light, blessings... all with an equality and a genuine, sincere energy.
For me, when I am not able to bring myself out of my suffering.... I send the same.
I got this... and I'm not alone.
These last few months have been super challenging. For some reason, I kept thinking that soon everything was going to smooth out. Now, I'm not surprised when new challenges pop out of no where... one after another. ;) I am not surprised when we have to move again, or when my cell phone gets put into some water, toothpaste and salt because one of my sweet boys is curious and creative.
Ya know, I have tried to write three times in the last two days. So much has happened over the last 3-6 months, I am not even sure where to start. All I know at this point is, I love my kiddos, love life, am okay with the "set backs" and challenges, and I'm always ready for more and gotta stop being surprised by anything that comes my way. I am also very blessed, too. SO many earth angels in my life along this journey and I am getting the life lessons that I need so I may grow and expand.
Maybe I should start with some lessons I have learned.... I know my budgeting needs some focus and clarity. I know I have a tendency to withdraw from situations and people in my life very quickly. In the future, I will work on that... when I feel like withdrawing, I will take another route. I will think about how important the relationship is, if I really want this relationship in my life and what role it plays, and just think about the bigger picture before jumping to conclusions. My withdraw issues are related to insecurities and not feeling protected in a relationship (friend, boyfriend, family, etc.). I don't like being judged... but will work on not worrying too much about that. I have learned a LOT about me through this and I have a feeling I am so far from "done." ;)
Well, world... this warrior mama is not giving up. I'm just not... it's not in me. I love these babies, love life and it's on! Bring it. I am here to help change the world for the better, love and guide my beautiful little beings, laugh a lot, stay positive, and spread love.
For all of those that have not been able to bring themselves outside of their suffering, I send love, light, blessings... all with an equality and a genuine, sincere energy.
For me, when I am not able to bring myself out of my suffering.... I send the same.
I got this... and I'm not alone.
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