I have a full time job that I love, an apartment that I am grateful for, and such a beautiful crew.
I always have an abundance of energy. I can function, with clarity, on little sleep. Although, my new schedule is testing me. ;) I work from 2-11pm about 5 days a week. I get home at about 11:30 and end up cleaning the apartment and taking the dogs out. I usually get to bed around 12:30 or 1 in the morning only to wake up at 6 and get the kiddos fed, dressed, and ready for school. We pack lunches and try to clean up before we leave. Their school is a good 45 min to an hour away from our apartment.
I know I could take them to the nearest public school, but that doesn't feel good to me. We have a community at their school in the mountains. The kids have learned to knit, to garden , to play violin, and have freedom to make choices. I am grateful they are, and have been, at this school we love and cherish.
Right now I have to pick them up early so I can make it to work on time. The older ones watch my younger ones while I am working. Not ideal, but needed for now. They are bummed about it and want me to get situated so they can stay all week, for full school days. I am working on getting daycare set up... that is my next goal.
Life is getting settled and I am grateful for the stability.... a little tired, but I got this. I know we are a strong enough family unit to attain that next goal... and the next, and the next. ;)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
A Beautiful Stranger
My day started off slow and unproductive, but tonight was incredible.
I am so in love! I'm so in love with my job! I get to nourish and feed people with organic produce and herbal, natural supplements. I am in my zone and enjoying my passions in life. I am loving my coworkers and customers. I have already met SO many beautiful souls.
I was doing my thing tonight with a genuine smile and love for everyone that was coming to the juice bar. There were some super amazing people coming through my line. I had conversations ranging from someone who had a passion for knowledge in general, to people skills, the purpose of life, life dreams and goals, family, illnesses, and the list goes on.
There was one gentleman in his late 50's or early 60's I would guess. He was in with his daughters and/or granddaughters? They were wanting some Gelato (ice cream). I was giving them generous samples and really enjoying their presence. I hooked them up with big, beautiful bowls of their favorite flavors. The gentleman was telling me he wanted me to ring him up. I explained that I hadn't been trained on the register and couldn't do that. I pointed him over to a register and told him the cashier would take care of him. He proceeded to tell me he wanted me to do it and I needed to walk over to the register with him. So, I walked over with him to make him comfortable. He owed the cashier $10 for the ice cream he purchased. I told him thank you and headed back to the juice bar. He followed me back to the juice bar and held his hand out in a fist. He said he had something for me. I advised him that we don't accept tips at this store but that the thought was enough... I was grateful he even wanted to tip me. He insisted and said he was from Wyoming, so that didn't pertain to him and that I needed to hold out my hand. I did. The man tipped me $40! I couldn't believe it! He said I had the most positive attitude and was so helpful to his family... he wanted me to have that. He walked away swiftly and I stood there in awe. Wow, this man just tipped me $40 and there were no strings attached. He wasn't hitting on me and had no other intentions. Wow.... so grateful and surprised.
I continued working and couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. I was cleaning and decided to take the trash to the bin outside of the store in the front of the building. As I was headed that way, I ran into him and his family again. I expressed how amazed, appreciative and grateful I was. I told him he made my night. He said he was really glad to hear that. I also informed him that I was a single mama of six and that $40 was really going to be used for the family. When he heard that, his face lit up and he said he was REALLY glad he did that and thanked me for telling him.
It was a mutual appreciation for the other. We both walked away smiling and feeling grateful. What a beautiful stranger.
I am so in love! I'm so in love with my job! I get to nourish and feed people with organic produce and herbal, natural supplements. I am in my zone and enjoying my passions in life. I am loving my coworkers and customers. I have already met SO many beautiful souls.
I was doing my thing tonight with a genuine smile and love for everyone that was coming to the juice bar. There were some super amazing people coming through my line. I had conversations ranging from someone who had a passion for knowledge in general, to people skills, the purpose of life, life dreams and goals, family, illnesses, and the list goes on.
There was one gentleman in his late 50's or early 60's I would guess. He was in with his daughters and/or granddaughters? They were wanting some Gelato (ice cream). I was giving them generous samples and really enjoying their presence. I hooked them up with big, beautiful bowls of their favorite flavors. The gentleman was telling me he wanted me to ring him up. I explained that I hadn't been trained on the register and couldn't do that. I pointed him over to a register and told him the cashier would take care of him. He proceeded to tell me he wanted me to do it and I needed to walk over to the register with him. So, I walked over with him to make him comfortable. He owed the cashier $10 for the ice cream he purchased. I told him thank you and headed back to the juice bar. He followed me back to the juice bar and held his hand out in a fist. He said he had something for me. I advised him that we don't accept tips at this store but that the thought was enough... I was grateful he even wanted to tip me. He insisted and said he was from Wyoming, so that didn't pertain to him and that I needed to hold out my hand. I did. The man tipped me $40! I couldn't believe it! He said I had the most positive attitude and was so helpful to his family... he wanted me to have that. He walked away swiftly and I stood there in awe. Wow, this man just tipped me $40 and there were no strings attached. He wasn't hitting on me and had no other intentions. Wow.... so grateful and surprised.
I continued working and couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. I was cleaning and decided to take the trash to the bin outside of the store in the front of the building. As I was headed that way, I ran into him and his family again. I expressed how amazed, appreciative and grateful I was. I told him he made my night. He said he was really glad to hear that. I also informed him that I was a single mama of six and that $40 was really going to be used for the family. When he heard that, his face lit up and he said he was REALLY glad he did that and thanked me for telling him.
It was a mutual appreciation for the other. We both walked away smiling and feeling grateful. What a beautiful stranger.
Saturday, October 22, 2011
I Surrender, And Then...
So, I didn't want to move next to the drunk initially. Then, I surrendered... I geared myself up to living next door to him. I just didn't see any other option, so I was going to take the one I had. It was on and I was ready.
My sister, father and friends did not approve and were not going to allow that to happen... thank goodness! I so love the earth angels in my life. My sister talked me into going to breakfast with her instead of signing a lease for that place. She for sure didn't want me to move there. One of my girlfriends decided to look on line for me and send me every listing she could find in my price range. My dad? Well, he was silent about it, but I could just feel his disapproving vibe driving right into my core. ;)
I went through the listings from my girlfriend and found an apartment even closer to my work, in a lovely neighborhood, that I can afford, 3 bedrooms, two baths, bigger space, with all the extras... a park on site, a work out facility that is open 24 hours a day, two pools, basketball hoops, and on and on.
I have applied and will find out in the next couple of days if my application has been approved! I'm thinking it will... there is nothing I can think of that won't pass their criteria.
Tonight was my first night at work and I am so in my zone! I love my job and the people there. It's going to be a phenomenal place for me. I have found my place in the world for now. I am super grateful and excited.
Things are starting to fall into place and I am overflowing with gratitude.
Independence, stability and clarity are feeling attainable.
My sister, father and friends did not approve and were not going to allow that to happen... thank goodness! I so love the earth angels in my life. My sister talked me into going to breakfast with her instead of signing a lease for that place. She for sure didn't want me to move there. One of my girlfriends decided to look on line for me and send me every listing she could find in my price range. My dad? Well, he was silent about it, but I could just feel his disapproving vibe driving right into my core. ;)
I went through the listings from my girlfriend and found an apartment even closer to my work, in a lovely neighborhood, that I can afford, 3 bedrooms, two baths, bigger space, with all the extras... a park on site, a work out facility that is open 24 hours a day, two pools, basketball hoops, and on and on.
I have applied and will find out in the next couple of days if my application has been approved! I'm thinking it will... there is nothing I can think of that won't pass their criteria.
Tonight was my first night at work and I am so in my zone! I love my job and the people there. It's going to be a phenomenal place for me. I have found my place in the world for now. I am super grateful and excited.
Things are starting to fall into place and I am overflowing with gratitude.
Independence, stability and clarity are feeling attainable.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Thought About It
Alright, I'm taking the row house option with the drunk next door. I am strong enough to make this work. I've got it and not concerned. I spoke with the landlord today, she's sweet and the home is decent and affordable. I can compromise.... it's not my big, beautiful mountain home, but it's going to be home for now.
The drunk? Well, he can be loud at night because we get up early and the kids can sleep through just about anything. ;)
No, honestly, I will send him love quietly and keep my boundaries with me and the kids. I can do all of that while being firm and clear.
I went into work today and filled out paperwork. I just love that place and this is going to be super healthy for me. I am hoping and praying I can get the kids situated, comfortable and safe while I am working.
I have my schedule and have been given 40 hours this coming week. This is going to be an adjustment for the family. We can handle it... the kids are amazing and so great at adjusting to new situations, challenges and changes. We are a strong unit.
One day I am feeling strong and confident... the next, I am just so drained and feeling lost. That's alright though... the "feeling lost" doesn't last.
The drunk? Well, he can be loud at night because we get up early and the kids can sleep through just about anything. ;)
No, honestly, I will send him love quietly and keep my boundaries with me and the kids. I can do all of that while being firm and clear.
I went into work today and filled out paperwork. I just love that place and this is going to be super healthy for me. I am hoping and praying I can get the kids situated, comfortable and safe while I am working.
I have my schedule and have been given 40 hours this coming week. This is going to be an adjustment for the family. We can handle it... the kids are amazing and so great at adjusting to new situations, challenges and changes. We are a strong unit.
One day I am feeling strong and confident... the next, I am just so drained and feeling lost. That's alright though... the "feeling lost" doesn't last.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Breathing, Praying and Believing
I am exhausted.... but strong.
I am sleepy... yet, there are a few more things to do before bed.
I am craving stability... being patient, because I know it's coming.
I could really use a hot bath, a time out, a massage, some gym time, some me time.... I'll make it happen.
The baby needs some mama time... I know.
Malik needs some help with his speech... I didn't forget.
Isaiah is a lover and quick to get angry with his brother... I'm working with him.
Jayden is my empath. She's always taking on other people's energy... I'm aware.
Tiana is a beautiful girl growing into that amazing woman she is destined to be... I've got this.
Shaylee, my college star, is worrying about her family. I'm trying to comfort and reassure her... but, with what words and what reassurance?
I'm always positive, upbeat, optimistic... always.
I almost feel bad that now there are times I'm just drained and finding it hard to see the beautiful things that I know are headed our way.
I always remind myself at the end of the day.... no matter what challenges I am facing and what comes my way, it is better than staying in a marriage with an alcoholic.
It's better for me, for these babies and my ex. Everyone is healthier.
Then I remember how blessed we truly are... and how grateful I truly am.
We have two days left at my sisters home. I have diligently searched for a place for this beautiful crew to spread out and call home. The locations and places I have seen aren't suitable for us. In my price range I've seen a range of issues from mold, to outdated furnaces and broken water heaters and on and on. There are two bedrooms, but the owners aren't comfortable with my size family residing there... can't blame them, really. Section 8 is just closed... yea, closed. All of the affordable housing, transitional housing and shelters are full. I can get on a wait list for a year or two. There are a couple of places I may be able to get into... but only to loose them in the next six months because I won't be able to afford the rent and bills.
After all of my hunting and viewing, my dad and brother are set on me purchasing an RV to live in. That is cool... the RV would be mine. But, that doesn't feel so stable. I'm not up to leaving the kids in a RV while I am at work. Then there is parking and moving the RV. The toilet situation with my crew? Dumping that daily! Not thinking that is what I am searching for.
Found a two bedroom, one bath that will accept my crew. One of my neighbor's is a loud drunk. I left that three years ago and really don't want my family living next to it. I don't really want him hitting on me either. The neighborhood? Yea, not-so-sure.... who knows. Maybe it will do us for a small period of time? Guess stability is taking a detour and will arrive another day.
Breathing, praying and believing....
Monday, October 17, 2011
Alright! The Time Is Now...
I have been staying with my sister during this transition and have to be out by Friday.... four days from now! Not too worried, something is going to work out. Our perfect home will find us!
I am heading out today to drive around the area we wish to live. I've done all the calling, craigslist, and other home finder options. Now, I'm doing what I do best... putting it out there and going to run into it. ;)
I got a job! I'm working in an environment that is going to be amazing! It is my "cup of tea." ;) I will be working in a natural food store that is beyond incredible. They stand for everything I believe in... supporting local farmers and businesses, family owned, not going corporate, they are putting their all into this one location and do not plan on opening any new stores, community service, recycling, re-using, loving, giving, smiling and spreading peace and happiness. It is really just a beautiful store, too. It's set up with an organic sushi bar, natural and organic bakery with the most amazing chocolate, an organic coffee bar with more options than any other coffee shop I've seen, and on and on.
I've been able to get the girls to school at their old school almost every day. There have been a couple of times I just didn't have the gas money. But, for the most part, they get to go. They aren't enrolled in the school just yet. The school has just been amazing at welcoming us back and are happy to have them whenever I can get them there. It's so nice to have a supportive community. As a single mama, I am blessed with that. As soon as we are settled in a place, I will enroll them. Just want to make sure we are actually staying in the area.
I have a job, the girls have their school.... but all of this depends on us having a home in the area. I'm sure it will work out. I am feeling pretty grounded with it all and not too stressed.
Also met someone special... it's super fresh and our connection feels strong.
Just staying open to seeing what happens with all of these blessings and challenges in my life. Whatever is to come, I've got this and am grateful for it all.
I am heading out today to drive around the area we wish to live. I've done all the calling, craigslist, and other home finder options. Now, I'm doing what I do best... putting it out there and going to run into it. ;)
I got a job! I'm working in an environment that is going to be amazing! It is my "cup of tea." ;) I will be working in a natural food store that is beyond incredible. They stand for everything I believe in... supporting local farmers and businesses, family owned, not going corporate, they are putting their all into this one location and do not plan on opening any new stores, community service, recycling, re-using, loving, giving, smiling and spreading peace and happiness. It is really just a beautiful store, too. It's set up with an organic sushi bar, natural and organic bakery with the most amazing chocolate, an organic coffee bar with more options than any other coffee shop I've seen, and on and on.
I've been able to get the girls to school at their old school almost every day. There have been a couple of times I just didn't have the gas money. But, for the most part, they get to go. They aren't enrolled in the school just yet. The school has just been amazing at welcoming us back and are happy to have them whenever I can get them there. It's so nice to have a supportive community. As a single mama, I am blessed with that. As soon as we are settled in a place, I will enroll them. Just want to make sure we are actually staying in the area.
I have a job, the girls have their school.... but all of this depends on us having a home in the area. I'm sure it will work out. I am feeling pretty grounded with it all and not too stressed.
Also met someone special... it's super fresh and our connection feels strong.
Just staying open to seeing what happens with all of these blessings and challenges in my life. Whatever is to come, I've got this and am grateful for it all.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
What's Next?
We're staying at my sister's for a short amount of time. She has another family moving into this house soon. It's nice to have a spot for a little while. I am grateful.
I have options... my mom has welcomed me back to Kansas to stay. I am not so fond of Kansas and I believe my mom and I have a better relationship when we have some distance between us. She would be helpful with these babies, but not so sure it would be healthy for them... or me.
My dad has offered to give me part of my inheritance now. I'm not sure how I feel about even talking out loud about his passing. I have tried to stay open which allows him to talk about it and feel comfortable with it, but he's my daddy and I will miss him so much. He wants me to buy something... like a mobile home. Or put a down payment on a lease with option in Colorado. My dad feels I really need some stability - and he's right! I would love that right about now. He really thinks it would be detrimental if I was to go to Kansas. I value his opinion, but really wish I didn't need help to get settled. My dad has been an apartment manager most of his life and has just been really good about saving. Now he's retired and he doesn't think he will live much longer. He told me yesterday that my grandfather at the age of 86 is in better health than he is at the age of 63. I told him I would look into buying, but really hope to find another way. I don't want to use that money. I'd love for him to hold onto it for now. He may need it someday.
We'll see what is to come. I was able to take my girls to their old school for a visit today. They loved it! They are staying with a friend and will attend school again tomorrow. They are hoping I find a home in the area of their old school. Their teachers are SO excited and really wanting them back and are looking for housing for us, too. That whole community has already welcomed us back. I love all of them. Such sweet, caring and loving people.
It always works out. Sometimes I forget when I am in the middle of it and can't seem to pull myself to the outside of it and look in.
We're more than okay and life is good.
Still have a suspended license and have to get an SR22 before I can reinstate my license... but I really feel like there is a way to contest it. I just haven't found the path yet. That too will work out... I believe it will.
I have options... my mom has welcomed me back to Kansas to stay. I am not so fond of Kansas and I believe my mom and I have a better relationship when we have some distance between us. She would be helpful with these babies, but not so sure it would be healthy for them... or me.
My dad has offered to give me part of my inheritance now. I'm not sure how I feel about even talking out loud about his passing. I have tried to stay open which allows him to talk about it and feel comfortable with it, but he's my daddy and I will miss him so much. He wants me to buy something... like a mobile home. Or put a down payment on a lease with option in Colorado. My dad feels I really need some stability - and he's right! I would love that right about now. He really thinks it would be detrimental if I was to go to Kansas. I value his opinion, but really wish I didn't need help to get settled. My dad has been an apartment manager most of his life and has just been really good about saving. Now he's retired and he doesn't think he will live much longer. He told me yesterday that my grandfather at the age of 86 is in better health than he is at the age of 63. I told him I would look into buying, but really hope to find another way. I don't want to use that money. I'd love for him to hold onto it for now. He may need it someday.
We'll see what is to come. I was able to take my girls to their old school for a visit today. They loved it! They are staying with a friend and will attend school again tomorrow. They are hoping I find a home in the area of their old school. Their teachers are SO excited and really wanting them back and are looking for housing for us, too. That whole community has already welcomed us back. I love all of them. Such sweet, caring and loving people.
It always works out. Sometimes I forget when I am in the middle of it and can't seem to pull myself to the outside of it and look in.
We're more than okay and life is good.
Still have a suspended license and have to get an SR22 before I can reinstate my license... but I really feel like there is a way to contest it. I just haven't found the path yet. That too will work out... I believe it will.
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