I have so enjoyed every pregnancy. I loved the way my body changed. Being pregnant was so sensual and beautiful. My body was made to make babies.... ;)
I've carried and birthed seven babies.
My first, Shaylee, was born in 1992. I was sixteen and gained 75lbs. I loved the Sausage McMuffin with Egg sandwich from McDonald's and white chocolate Baskin Robbin's shakes.... mmmmm. I didn't know much about pregnancy, nutrition or birth. My mother didn't know much about pregnancy, nutrition or birth. I didn't know I could question Western Medicine and I wasn't aware I had choices.
Labor and delivery took 24 1/2 hours. The nurses "checked" me multiple times (super uncomfortable... I remember feeling violated). They hooked me up to all kinds of machines.... automatic blood pressure machine, baby monitors, pulse monitor, etc. They had me laying in the bed.... turning this way, moving me that way. They gave me drugs... petocin to "help" my labor, an epidural and other numbing and relaxing drugs.
When Shay was born, they immediately cut the umbilical cord, did all of the tests, gave her all of her shots, etc. They took her immediately down the hall, away from me, and bathed her.
I remember really wanting to nurse her (without really knowing why I felt that way), but being handed a TON of free formula. The nurses kept saying I should supplement with formula because she wouldn't get enough from my breasts. I ended up nursing her for ten days and then gave into the formula.
My second birth was a "miscarriage." I've never really appreciated or liked that word... "miscarriage." It's always felt as if I was inadequate in some way and wasn't able to give this baby life. I'm okay with it all now and realize there is a much bigger picture.
I was with my ex husband and this was our first pregnancy together. I delivered a little boy in the hospital when I was four months along. Of course, they gave me options after we had an ultrasound and found out the baby's heartbeat was no longer beating. They offered me a DNC (where they would scrape out my uterus), they said I could go home and wait it out, or I could have them induce me with petocin and deliver the baby in the hospital. I wanted to hold my baby and say hello and good-bye, so I chose to deliver him. We named him Dante.
Tiana was born in 1999. She was my third pregnancy. I labored at home as much as possible and then went to the hospital. My water broke at home. They did give me an IV and an epidural in the hospital.... I asked for it. I did eat and drink during the labor (which they don't recommend). The baby was born within two-three hours of our arrival at the hospital.
My Ex was great at taking care of me during my deliveries. He would secretly slip me food, drink and he would disconnect the machines and take them off of me. He stood behind my decisions and helped communicate them to the hospital staff.
After Tiana was born, they weighed her and put antibiotic ointment in her little eyes, gave her the vitamin K shot, and then allowed her to nurse. She did end up in the nursery for a few hours to get warm. I was still learning about birth and what my rights were.
I nursed her for about 5-6 months. I went back to work full time when she was twelve-weeks-old and pumped at work for a bit before it just became too much for me.
My fourth baby was Jayden in 2001. She was born in the same hospital as Tiana, without medication or drugs. I decided I wanted to have this one all natural. I had a different doctor this time and had to argue with her to leave out the IV. We ended up compromising and they put a "cap" in my hand.... an IV that wasn't connected to fluids, but was there "just in case" an emergency happened.
Unfortunately, after I delivered the baby, the doctor put petocin into my IV to help my uterus contract. I wasn't aware of this until I started feeling "weird." They were about to hand Jayden to me and I just felt off. I asked them to wait and looked at my ex for help. The doctor then confessed to hooking me up to the drug.
Looking back at Jayden's birth, it took way to long to get her into my arms after birth. At this point, I didn't know about allowing the placenta to drain before cutting the cord and Jayden did get the vitamin K shot and was weighed at birth.
I nursed Jayden for 2 years. I weened her when I was about half way through my pregnancy with Isaiah.
Isaiah was my fifth pregnancy and birth. I was going to birth him in water in the only hospital in Denver that allowed that. Unfortunately, when I was seven months pregnant, that hospital stopped the water births. I continued with my plan to deliver him in that hospital anyway. At this point, I wasn't really aware of the option to birth at home or just not so sure of it. I did labor at the hospital in the tub, but then was asked to get out when it was time to push. I got out and delivered him on the birthing table. My ex caught him and placed him on my chest. This time we allowed the placenta to drain, no shots, no ointments, no testing, etc. I slept with my baby, comfy and warm.
I nursed Isaiah until he was three.
My sixth birth was Malik and it was amazing! He was born in December of 2006. This time, I decided to have him at our beautiful mountain home, unassisted. That means no prenatal check ups, no doctors involved, and no midwife.... just me, the ex and my crew... and the bathtub. ;) We had an older gentleman, a family friend at the time, there as well.
It had been snowing and we were in Boulder shopping at Vitamin Cottage. I knew I was in labor, so I wanted to go into the small store without the crew. My ex stayed outside and played with the kiddos while I went in to grab a few things. I remember the cashier telling me it looked as if the baby was going to jump out today. I told him he had no idea! I was in labor right now and he would be born tonight. The cashier was a young guy and very kind. He asked if I should be in the hospital right now or if I needed him to call someone. I told him I was on my way home.... up the canyon to Nederland and then ten more minutes outside of Nederland. The drive was a good 40-50 minutes with the snow. I assured him I would be fine and not to worry.
My crew, my ex and I loaded into our old suburban and proceeded up the canyon. Isaiah had to go to the bathroom half way up the canyon, so we pulled over to a restaurant and I walked him in and helped him out. We loaded back up and continued up the windy road. While we were driving up the canyon, my contractions became more intense and everyone would pause as I worked my way through them. Then, action as normal until the next one came. ;)
We stopped at ACE Hardware in Ned to pick up something for the suburban and then went on our way.
The road leading to our home, at the time, was bumpy and all dirt. No worries, we made it. There was snow on the ground, too, that helped cushion the drive.
We had this really steep driveway that we were only able to get up about half the time. The rest of the time, we would have to hike up it. I remember wondering how I was going to hike up the driveway when I was in pretty good labor.
For the first time ever, one of our neighbors was feeling super kind and plowed the driveway! What a blessing. So we drove right up with no problems.
I jumped in the tub and my little Isaiah (3 at the time) jumped right in with me. He wanted to play Rescue Heroes. So in between contractions, we played. During contractions, he would mimic me.... he would make noises and bend over as if he were having a contraction. ;) When he was done playing, he jumped out and went on. He left one of his action figures in the tub and that is what I concentrated on during my labor/delivery. The baby was born about 3-4 hours after we got home... about 9:30pm.
Malik was born in the water. My ex caught him and laid him on my chest. He then helped me out of the tub and we went to the family bed. The kids all gathered around and wanted to hold the newest addition.
When the cord ran clear, Shaylee cut it and tied it up with hemp string. Then, they passed the Malik around.... from one sibling to the next. After they finished holding him, one by one the kiddos fell asleep. It was soooo beautiful.
Four hours had passed and we realized the placenta still had not released. Time flies in moments like that. No worries, I had remembered something I read in an old homebirth book. There was a great, native south american way to release a retained placenta..... get on your knees and blow into something like a beer bottle. It said the placenta would release within a minute.
That's what I did... and that's what happened! We just started laughing and celebrating!
Oh, and this time, I had researched the placenta. What an incredible organ. Most animals ingest the placenta after birth. I wasn't so sure I could eat it, but I wanted it to nourish my body. So my ex, took the placenta and cooked it on a low heat. He then placed it into pills for me to take. I have to say my recovery was even better this time and I give credit to the placenta (and my ex) for that!
What a great, non-invasive, gentle way for birth to happen.
I nursed Malik until he was two.
Keenan was my seventh and last baby. He was born in April of 2009. This pregnancy was very different than my last ones. I was pregnant during and after my divorce. My ex did not father this one. Keenan's father was living on the east coast and wasn't going to be a part of this pregnancy or delivery.... or Keenan's life really.
I was mostly alone with the kids and this pregnancy. My ex and I "dated" for a small amount of time during this pregnancy (which was awkward). My ex would come to my home to watch the kids every other weekend and I would leave and come back on Sunday.... I know, that's kinda awkward, too. ;) It worked for us at the time.
My plan was to birth at home again. I didn't have prenatal visits or check ups and was just going to do this one on my own.
Unfortunately, the weekend I went into labor was a weekend my ex decided to introduce my other children to a woman he had been dating for a week. This was my kiddos first experience with dad having a new girlfriend. They spent every day with her... swimming, eating out, going to the parks. At night, he would take my kids back to my house (without the girlfriend) to sleep. Then, up again and another day with his new girlfriend.
As I was in labor, I remember thinking I wanted to be okay with this. I had to know we were both going to move on and our kids were going to be exposed to other "friends."
I struggled with this throughout the weekend, but said nothing to him and nothing negative to my kiddos.
I lost it on Sunday night when one of my kids told me on the phone that they were spending the night in a hotel with this woman. Ya know, that was a little much. I asked him to spend nights in the hotel with this woman on the weekends he didn't have to watch the kids. He put up a small argument/fight until I advised him to take the kids to my home, where they were comfortable and safe in their own environment, or I would drive to the hotel (in labor) and pick them up. He took them home.
Needless to say, my labor completely stopped. I had been in full, timed, contractions... and it completely stopped. This was new for me. I had never had any emotions like that during labor and I had never experienced my labor stopping.
At that point, I decided my emotional health wasn't going to allow me to safely birth this baby at home.... so I decided to pick a hospital.
Keenan was born three weeks later, in a hospital, in the tub, with the most amazing "random" midwives. Shaylee caught him as I birthed him in the jacuzzi tub. My dad cut his umbilical cord and I gave Keenan the middle name of Stephen, after my father. Shaylee even picked out the name, Keenan.
No tests, no shots, and I signed papers so we could leave the hospital earlier than they wanted to let us go.
Keenan only nursed until he was about 10 months old. He was super hungry and I felt as if I couldn't keep up with him... so I couldn't. I tried everything to increase my milk supply... mother's milk tea, drinking more liquids, praying, etc. Looking back, that time of my life was a huge transition... getting divorced, learning how to be a single mama, learning how to be a pregnant single mama, financial challenges. I'm thinking stress played a role in my milk supply.
So, initially I made my own formula for him from recipes I found on-line and knowledge I had from working in the natural foods industry for 7ish years. Some of the ingredients I remember are spirulina, black strap molasses, propolis, dha, a natural iron, a natural cal-mag, probiotics, hmmmm.... I'm sure there is more, but I don't recall. That worked for a bit, but then I was talked into giving him a commercial formula. I'm just grateful for his health now and back then. He has an allergy to corn... it affects his stomach and his head. It was tricky finding a way to nourish him. He's super healthy now with a beautiful personality!
I so enjoyed my pregnancies and now I am so enjoying being a mother. I love watching my kids, guiding them, interacting with them, and loving them.... I love loving them.
So blessed and have learned so much.... and I just keep learning. ;)
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Birth
A good friend of mine and his new wife are about to have a baby! His wife is so super cute... all baby belly. ;)
My friend called me today and said he had a "baby" question. His wife has been advised by her doctor to get the flu and swine flu vaccination. He wanted to know my take on that.
Personally, I would not get vaccinated while I was pregnant. Personally, I would not get vaccinated while I wasn't pregnant. ;) Getting sick with the flu, while pregnant, is usually no big deal.
The swine flu? I have all kinds of other opinions on that.... either way, I think our bodies are amazing at healing from illness in general.
My history with vaccinations are with my kiddos. My oldest, Shay, was vaccinated until the age of seven. She has been, and currently is, my "sickest" kiddo. Tiana was vaccinated until the age of six months. At six months old she had a seizure in relation to vaccines she was given just days before.
The doctor would not admit or validate the two (the seizure and the vaccines) were related. That is when I researched her symptoms and vaccines (general info and side effects). I concluded that they were directly related and canceled her next appointment for vaccinations the day before the appointment. Whew... I felt relieved and felt like that could have saved Tiana from autism or further negative reactions to the drugs.
Since then, I have not vaccinated any of my other children. We go through the flu and now chickenpox knowing we will just be stronger on the flip side of these illnesses.
My friend then wondered if they had to vaccinate their child if they were going to send them to public school. No, you do not HAVE to vaccinate them in order for them to attend school.... at least in Colorado. You may sign a waiver at the school or at the county saying you chose not to vaccinate.
My conversation with my friend continued and we got to talking about the vitamin K shot at birth, the hospital regulations, if he and his wife have the "authority" to say no, the birth of the placenta, taking the baby to bathe her right after delivery, etc.
Again, these are my personal opinions...
When your baby is born, they say the baby needs this vitamin K shot to help clot their blood. They warn that the baby could hemorrhage and die if they don't get this shot.
My opinion - when your baby is born, allow the blood from the placenta to drain completely before cutting the umbilical cord. That blood is essential for the baby. It is full of nutrients that the baby is certainly entitled to and the baby needs. Let the cord run dry. No vitamin K shot needed.
Do you have the right to say no in the hospital?
My opinion - absolutely! This is your baby and your birth experience. You have every right to make choices. I said no.... many times. That doesn't mean the nurses or doctors will like you.... but, you'll probably never see them again anyway. This is an important event in your life... take the reins!
I said no to sitting down during labor/delivery... gravity was my friend.
I said no to keeping the monitor on during labor/delivery.
Nope, I am not okay with this blood pressure thing going off every fifteen minutes.
Nope, you may not "check" me to see how far I am dialated.
No drugs for me, thanks.
Nope, you may not hook me up to an IV.
Nope, you may not take my baby right at birth... put them to my breast, please.
Nope, you may not bathe my baby.... he needs this "white coating" on his skin to protect his body. I will wash him at home... thanks.
Nope, you may not give them the vitamin K shot, or any other shots.
Nope, you cannot put antibiotic ointment in their eyes.
Nope, you may not weigh them right away.... and when you do weigh them, put a blanket down on that oh so cold scale, please.
Nope, don't shine that light in their eyes when they are first born.
The baby will be born into a peaceful room with dimmed lighting and quiet voices.
Nope, I am not getting out of this tub.... I am delivering right here.
Nope, you may not push on my belly until the placenta is delivered... it knows when to come out.
Nope, you may not come in and wake this baby up every hour to check their vitals.
Nope, no hearing test for my baby. I'll know....
Nope, no circumcision for this boy.
You may not take my baby to the nursery. I will sleep with my baby in this bed, thanks... and yes, it is safe.
Nope, I will not supplement her diet with formula.... my breasts will nourish her. There are ways to increase my milk supply, if needed.
Yep, we are leaving the hospital now. I will sign whatever papers necessary to leave "early."
Nope, I am not worried about my baby dieing.... I take full responsibility.
Yes, home birth (I had one) would have been a better option for me, for sure... but you do have super, crazy rights to make choices in the hospital. Just know that!
Go with your gut. If you feel it, go with it. If you fear it, maybe think twice. It's really whatever you believe and feel to be true.
My friend called me today and said he had a "baby" question. His wife has been advised by her doctor to get the flu and swine flu vaccination. He wanted to know my take on that.
Personally, I would not get vaccinated while I was pregnant. Personally, I would not get vaccinated while I wasn't pregnant. ;) Getting sick with the flu, while pregnant, is usually no big deal.
The swine flu? I have all kinds of other opinions on that.... either way, I think our bodies are amazing at healing from illness in general.
My history with vaccinations are with my kiddos. My oldest, Shay, was vaccinated until the age of seven. She has been, and currently is, my "sickest" kiddo. Tiana was vaccinated until the age of six months. At six months old she had a seizure in relation to vaccines she was given just days before.
The doctor would not admit or validate the two (the seizure and the vaccines) were related. That is when I researched her symptoms and vaccines (general info and side effects). I concluded that they were directly related and canceled her next appointment for vaccinations the day before the appointment. Whew... I felt relieved and felt like that could have saved Tiana from autism or further negative reactions to the drugs.
Since then, I have not vaccinated any of my other children. We go through the flu and now chickenpox knowing we will just be stronger on the flip side of these illnesses.
My friend then wondered if they had to vaccinate their child if they were going to send them to public school. No, you do not HAVE to vaccinate them in order for them to attend school.... at least in Colorado. You may sign a waiver at the school or at the county saying you chose not to vaccinate.
My conversation with my friend continued and we got to talking about the vitamin K shot at birth, the hospital regulations, if he and his wife have the "authority" to say no, the birth of the placenta, taking the baby to bathe her right after delivery, etc.
Again, these are my personal opinions...
When your baby is born, they say the baby needs this vitamin K shot to help clot their blood. They warn that the baby could hemorrhage and die if they don't get this shot.
My opinion - when your baby is born, allow the blood from the placenta to drain completely before cutting the umbilical cord. That blood is essential for the baby. It is full of nutrients that the baby is certainly entitled to and the baby needs. Let the cord run dry. No vitamin K shot needed.
Do you have the right to say no in the hospital?
My opinion - absolutely! This is your baby and your birth experience. You have every right to make choices. I said no.... many times. That doesn't mean the nurses or doctors will like you.... but, you'll probably never see them again anyway. This is an important event in your life... take the reins!
I said no to sitting down during labor/delivery... gravity was my friend.
I said no to keeping the monitor on during labor/delivery.
Nope, I am not okay with this blood pressure thing going off every fifteen minutes.
Nope, you may not "check" me to see how far I am dialated.
No drugs for me, thanks.
Nope, you may not hook me up to an IV.
Nope, you may not take my baby right at birth... put them to my breast, please.
Nope, you may not bathe my baby.... he needs this "white coating" on his skin to protect his body. I will wash him at home... thanks.
Nope, you may not give them the vitamin K shot, or any other shots.
Nope, you cannot put antibiotic ointment in their eyes.
Nope, you may not weigh them right away.... and when you do weigh them, put a blanket down on that oh so cold scale, please.
Nope, don't shine that light in their eyes when they are first born.
The baby will be born into a peaceful room with dimmed lighting and quiet voices.
Nope, I am not getting out of this tub.... I am delivering right here.
Nope, you may not push on my belly until the placenta is delivered... it knows when to come out.
Nope, you may not come in and wake this baby up every hour to check their vitals.
Nope, no hearing test for my baby. I'll know....
Nope, no circumcision for this boy.
You may not take my baby to the nursery. I will sleep with my baby in this bed, thanks... and yes, it is safe.
Nope, I will not supplement her diet with formula.... my breasts will nourish her. There are ways to increase my milk supply, if needed.
Yep, we are leaving the hospital now. I will sign whatever papers necessary to leave "early."
Nope, I am not worried about my baby dieing.... I take full responsibility.
Yes, home birth (I had one) would have been a better option for me, for sure... but you do have super, crazy rights to make choices in the hospital. Just know that!
Go with your gut. If you feel it, go with it. If you fear it, maybe think twice. It's really whatever you believe and feel to be true.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Up all night w/ my feverish babes...
Last night my youngest two, Malik and Keenan, were tossing and turning with fevers. Malik seemed just a little uncomfortable, while Keenan was having a harder time breathing. I grabbed the humidifier, put some eucalyptus in the water, gave them some apple cider vinegar and made sure they both stayed hydrated. I don't mind being up at night with them. It's kinda like our one-on-one time... our special time.
Not that I'm okay with them being sick... I'd rather spend that special time with them feeling healthy, but I don't mind being awake at night with them. Plus, in the end, it only makes them stronger. ;)
Well, today, Malik seemed fine and Keenan was feverish with a "battle" going on in his throat. Keenan and I chilled and snuggled for most of the day. Malik was up playing with his older brother, Isaiah. They had a great day playing different games and working out any problems that came up.
Later this afternoon, Malik came up to me and said, "Mama, I've got mosquito bites on my neck... look!" I took a look and wondered what was bitin' my boy. It's just not mosquito season right now.
Then, early evening rolled around and there were more "mosquito" bites on Malik's back and face.... ahhhh.... chickenpox!
Yay! Bring it, pox! It's on and we're ready. These kiddos can get through this while they are young and not have to worry about it when they're older.
I'm about to put together some herbs, oatmeal baths, and salves....
No need for immunizations... just good old plants and lovin'. We got this.
Not that I'm okay with them being sick... I'd rather spend that special time with them feeling healthy, but I don't mind being awake at night with them. Plus, in the end, it only makes them stronger. ;)
Well, today, Malik seemed fine and Keenan was feverish with a "battle" going on in his throat. Keenan and I chilled and snuggled for most of the day. Malik was up playing with his older brother, Isaiah. They had a great day playing different games and working out any problems that came up.
Later this afternoon, Malik came up to me and said, "Mama, I've got mosquito bites on my neck... look!" I took a look and wondered what was bitin' my boy. It's just not mosquito season right now.
Then, early evening rolled around and there were more "mosquito" bites on Malik's back and face.... ahhhh.... chickenpox!
Yay! Bring it, pox! It's on and we're ready. These kiddos can get through this while they are young and not have to worry about it when they're older.
I'm about to put together some herbs, oatmeal baths, and salves....
No need for immunizations... just good old plants and lovin'. We got this.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Changing My Diet and Habits
When we eat as a family, I find myself not making a plate for me. I just put myself on "clean up" duty.... eating all of the kiddos left overs. I don't mind at all and I have a hard time seeing food wasted.
I have given up dairy, wheat/gluten and sugar again. I did that same thing years ago and felt so much better. I'm already feeling better, more clear, and lighter and it's only been a few days! I can see a difference in my skin, too.
Hopefully this will lead into my fast/detox.
I noticed I really have to work on the urge to stop eating the rest of the kiddos food! It has become a habit and now it has to be broken. I have not taken them off dairy or wheat as I did last time. I may do that again at some point, but for now, just me.
Journeying on.... ;)
I have given up dairy, wheat/gluten and sugar again. I did that same thing years ago and felt so much better. I'm already feeling better, more clear, and lighter and it's only been a few days! I can see a difference in my skin, too.
Hopefully this will lead into my fast/detox.
I noticed I really have to work on the urge to stop eating the rest of the kiddos food! It has become a habit and now it has to be broken. I have not taken them off dairy or wheat as I did last time. I may do that again at some point, but for now, just me.
Journeying on.... ;)
Loving on My Dad
I recently had some great advice that pulled me back to balance. Thanks for that!
I intend on loving my dad, seeing him as healthy and rejuvenated, and really just believing in his health. I plan on doing family game nights (another piece of advice from a friend), where we can enjoy and interact with eachother. The kiddos are going to love that, too! He has not been diagnosed... and that probably won't happen at this point. He is still going to his acupuncture appointments... yay!
Feeling good about him and his future...
I intend on loving my dad, seeing him as healthy and rejuvenated, and really just believing in his health. I plan on doing family game nights (another piece of advice from a friend), where we can enjoy and interact with eachother. The kiddos are going to love that, too! He has not been diagnosed... and that probably won't happen at this point. He is still going to his acupuncture appointments... yay!
Feeling good about him and his future...
How Do I Make It?
My girlfriend and a beautiful "stranger" asked me recently how I support this crew. I get asked that question often. I typed up an answer... here it is...
Honestly, it is the Law of Attraction/the Universe/God that gets us by. We are always taken care of... and then some. We eat mostly organic, the girls go to an amazing, free, Waldorf school (sits in a mountain house on five acres), we live in a beautiful mountain house, I am able to keep my dog... life is good.
My oldest, Shaylee, is living in luxury on campus, learning Chinese and her major is International Affairs. She got herself there... filled out all the paperwork and has the drive. As a mom, all I've done, is encourage her to be herself. We have a great relationship.
Right now, I go shopping for a coffee shop that's in my canyon. I drive down to the Boulder area and grab groceries for them. That's on once a week and I get fifty bucks for it. I also scored a Costco membership. It seems as though I'm at the store all the time anyway, so it's not much different than my normal trip. ;) I am grateful for being able to have my boys with me.
My ex pays me about $100ish a week right now.
The kids and I have worked on a farm for the last five summers... only on Wednesday mornings for about 4 hours. It's an organic CSA up north. So we get around 40 pounds of organic produce every week! Don't worry, we share... we can't eat all of that! It will stop after October... the season is coming to an end.
I also get food stamps and hit the food bank in Boulder (lots of organic options) every now and then.
I live with another sweet mama in a beautiful mountain house. She has offered us her master suite (with a beautiful jet tub, and front loader washer and dryer right off the suite!) through the winter. She has one son and he is only here every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday. My girls started school last year and her son goes to the same school... that's how we met. She said when I get on my feet, I can pay $250 a month. She felt as if her house space was wasteful and wanted us to fill it up... we are doing a good job of that. ;)
I do feel as if I'm going to get an amazing "job" soon that I will be able to balance my kiddos with and provide service to others... super excited about it!
Honestly, it is the Law of Attraction/the Universe/God that gets us by. We are always taken care of... and then some. We eat mostly organic, the girls go to an amazing, free, Waldorf school (sits in a mountain house on five acres), we live in a beautiful mountain house, I am able to keep my dog... life is good.
My oldest, Shaylee, is living in luxury on campus, learning Chinese and her major is International Affairs. She got herself there... filled out all the paperwork and has the drive. As a mom, all I've done, is encourage her to be herself. We have a great relationship.
Right now, I go shopping for a coffee shop that's in my canyon. I drive down to the Boulder area and grab groceries for them. That's on once a week and I get fifty bucks for it. I also scored a Costco membership. It seems as though I'm at the store all the time anyway, so it's not much different than my normal trip. ;) I am grateful for being able to have my boys with me.
My ex pays me about $100ish a week right now.
The kids and I have worked on a farm for the last five summers... only on Wednesday mornings for about 4 hours. It's an organic CSA up north. So we get around 40 pounds of organic produce every week! Don't worry, we share... we can't eat all of that! It will stop after October... the season is coming to an end.
I also get food stamps and hit the food bank in Boulder (lots of organic options) every now and then.
I live with another sweet mama in a beautiful mountain house. She has offered us her master suite (with a beautiful jet tub, and front loader washer and dryer right off the suite!) through the winter. She has one son and he is only here every other weekend and every Tuesday and Thursday. My girls started school last year and her son goes to the same school... that's how we met. She said when I get on my feet, I can pay $250 a month. She felt as if her house space was wasteful and wanted us to fill it up... we are doing a good job of that. ;)
I do feel as if I'm going to get an amazing "job" soon that I will be able to balance my kiddos with and provide service to others... super excited about it!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Fasting and Detoxing
I'm heading toward some type of detox. I'm thinking about doing the Master Cleanse. I'm thinking about doing an all veggie diet for a week and then doing the cleanse/fast for 15 days. Then the all veggie diet again for a week after the fast. I've been thinking about it for about a month now, so I'm close to making that happen. Looking forward to it!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Taking his hand...
Today was a good day...
Went down the mountain and picked up my daddy. I made an appointment for him to see a Chinese Medicine/Acupuncture Doctor. So, I picked him up and drove him there! He went for it... yay! I just love my dad and am so glad he is open to some good acupuncture and herbs. And, he's going again soon! I promised I would go with him to all of his appointments. The only down side for him is the expense. He is not happy spending money towards his health. I told him he is worth it and to remember that! My dad even clocked the mileage... ;)
Went down the mountain and picked up my daddy. I made an appointment for him to see a Chinese Medicine/Acupuncture Doctor. So, I picked him up and drove him there! He went for it... yay! I just love my dad and am so glad he is open to some good acupuncture and herbs. And, he's going again soon! I promised I would go with him to all of his appointments. The only down side for him is the expense. He is not happy spending money towards his health. I told him he is worth it and to remember that! My dad even clocked the mileage... ;)
Of course... Daily Quote
We're not wanting to be insensitive to what so many of you are feeling, but
we are very much wanting you to put this death thing in the proper
perspective: You are all going to die! Except there is no death. You're
all going to make your transition into Non-Physical. It is time to stop
making your transition into Non-Physical sound like a subject that is
uncomfortable, and begin acknowledging that it is something that happens
to everyone. This death thing is so misunderstood that you use it to
torture yourself never-endingly and just absolutely unnecessarily. There
are those who feel such fulfillment of life and such Connection to Source
Energy, who understand that there is no separation between what is
physical and Non-Physical; who understand that there is not even a lapse
in consciousness, that "death" is a matter of closing one's eyes in this
dimension and literally opening one's eyes in the other dimension. And
that, truly, is how all death is, no matter how it looks, up to that
point.. The re-emergence into Source Energy is always a delightful thing.
Abraham
Thanks, Abe... you make me smile and feel a little lighter. ;)
we are very much wanting you to put this death thing in the proper
perspective: You are all going to die! Except there is no death. You're
all going to make your transition into Non-Physical. It is time to stop
making your transition into Non-Physical sound like a subject that is
uncomfortable, and begin acknowledging that it is something that happens
to everyone. This death thing is so misunderstood that you use it to
torture yourself never-endingly and just absolutely unnecessarily. There
are those who feel such fulfillment of life and such Connection to Source
Energy, who understand that there is no separation between what is
physical and Non-Physical; who understand that there is not even a lapse
in consciousness, that "death" is a matter of closing one's eyes in this
dimension and literally opening one's eyes in the other dimension. And
that, truly, is how all death is, no matter how it looks, up to that
point.. The re-emergence into Source Energy is always a delightful thing.
Abraham
Thanks, Abe... you make me smile and feel a little lighter. ;)
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My Dad... Just Love Him
I am so grateful for my father. He wasn't around much when I was little due to his wife's feelings about me and my brother.... and my mother. My dad was in and out of my life.
His wife, my step-mother, committed suicide about 20ish years ago. That is when my relationship with my father began.
He was devastated over her death. She left him a short note saying something like, "I thought you loved me." With a super amount of guilt and a heavy heart, he moved himself to Colorado. His parents and siblings live around the metro area. He also paid my mother's way to Colorado so he would be close to my brother and I. I was about 15 then.
Shortly after we moved to Colorado, I became pregnant with Shaylee. I was sweet sixteen when I had to tell my dad I was having a baby. He was disappointed, excited, nervous, and not quite sure what to say. However, looking back, it was the best thing that could've happened. Before I told him about this new life, he had thoughts of suicide. He didn't want to live after his wife died. Now he felt like he had something to live for. He told me once that this baby might have saved his life.
My dad was there for me when I was pregnant. He called all of my relatives within 20 minutes of telling him the news! I was a little nervous about that, but it worked out beautifully. My family as a whole is very supportive. My dad and I even went bowling when I was eight months pregnant! He got a good laugh outta that. ;)
My dad was there when Shay was born. He was in charge of filming the birth... poor guy. Little did he know it was going to take 24 1/2 hours! He got to cut her umbilical cord. Needless to say, they have always had a super close relationship. My dad savors every moment of Shaylee's life and has from the beginning. He saw her first steps, watched her think things through and make decisions, and still pays such close attention to every detail of her life. I think he realized he missed out on my childhood and really wanted to pay attention to his granddaughter's. That is just what he has done and just what he continues to do.
Time has passed.... my dad is now in his early 60's and my daughter is turning 18 in a few weeks. I have some great memories and we've had some good times.
Over the past few years, illness has crept up on my dad. He hasn't had the healthiest diet or exercise routine. He watches a lot of TV and enjoys playing card games on his computer... usually at the same time. I think TV for my dad is like alcohol for other's. He has used TV over the years to numb himself from grieving for his wife, childhood issues, and just life in general. He knows when every "Judge" show comes on, tapes certain talk shows and has stayed home, missing family events, when certain sporting events are on.
I've heard of other friends and acquaintances having to take care of and even losing their parents. Now, it's time for me to visit this subject and really put some thought into it.
My dad is sick. A few months ago, in the back of my mind, Parkinson's came up. I didn't pay much attention to it... until now. That is my diagnosis. I would never wish that on anyone (definitely not my dad) and feel a huge sense of guilt even saying the word. He hasn't been tested by a Western Medicine Physician... that's next.
I haven't told him yet. I haven't told him I think he should be tested for Parkinson's. Not sure how I will go about this. I feel heavy.
Parkinson's? My dad? That can't be... can it? I've only had a few days to really absorb this. We'll wait for the official diagnosis... but I can't help but to feel sad.
My dad told me, more than once, he never wanted to be a burden on me or my brother. He also doesn't want to feel helpless. He said he always has a way out... "it" is an option for him.
To the man who means sooo much to me...
Dearest Dad,
I love you more than you'll ever know.
You are my best friend. You are my support. You have been there for me in so many ways. You have loved me unconditionally.
You supported me when I told you I was pregnant... at 16. You supported me when I told you I was pregnant, time after time, after time! ;)
You were supportive when I said, "Dad, we're selling EVERYTHING and moving into a 21 foot RV for the summer." And again the next summer, and again the following summer.
You were supportive when I said I was homeschooling Shaylee and then the rest of the kids. You were supportive when I said I wasn't immunizing the kids.
You were supportive when I said I was treating my kids at home and we weren't going to go to the hospital or use western medicine when they were sick.
You supported me when I said, "Dad, I'm getting a divorce.... I'm taking the five kiddos and I'm leaving him."
You never doubted me.... at least out loud. ;)
Dad, thanks for loving me and believing in me. You have been such a strength in my life. You are my earth angel.
Dad, I am here to support you now. I am here for you. I want to be your strength and support. Allow me to be your earth angel.
Whatever decisions you make, whatever feelings you have, I am here to support you. I will not judge you and won't take anything personal.
I love you unconditionally, Dad. You are my hero... my hero.
With Pure Love.... Your daughter,
Nae
His wife, my step-mother, committed suicide about 20ish years ago. That is when my relationship with my father began.
He was devastated over her death. She left him a short note saying something like, "I thought you loved me." With a super amount of guilt and a heavy heart, he moved himself to Colorado. His parents and siblings live around the metro area. He also paid my mother's way to Colorado so he would be close to my brother and I. I was about 15 then.
Shortly after we moved to Colorado, I became pregnant with Shaylee. I was sweet sixteen when I had to tell my dad I was having a baby. He was disappointed, excited, nervous, and not quite sure what to say. However, looking back, it was the best thing that could've happened. Before I told him about this new life, he had thoughts of suicide. He didn't want to live after his wife died. Now he felt like he had something to live for. He told me once that this baby might have saved his life.
My dad was there for me when I was pregnant. He called all of my relatives within 20 minutes of telling him the news! I was a little nervous about that, but it worked out beautifully. My family as a whole is very supportive. My dad and I even went bowling when I was eight months pregnant! He got a good laugh outta that. ;)
My dad was there when Shay was born. He was in charge of filming the birth... poor guy. Little did he know it was going to take 24 1/2 hours! He got to cut her umbilical cord. Needless to say, they have always had a super close relationship. My dad savors every moment of Shaylee's life and has from the beginning. He saw her first steps, watched her think things through and make decisions, and still pays such close attention to every detail of her life. I think he realized he missed out on my childhood and really wanted to pay attention to his granddaughter's. That is just what he has done and just what he continues to do.
Time has passed.... my dad is now in his early 60's and my daughter is turning 18 in a few weeks. I have some great memories and we've had some good times.
Over the past few years, illness has crept up on my dad. He hasn't had the healthiest diet or exercise routine. He watches a lot of TV and enjoys playing card games on his computer... usually at the same time. I think TV for my dad is like alcohol for other's. He has used TV over the years to numb himself from grieving for his wife, childhood issues, and just life in general. He knows when every "Judge" show comes on, tapes certain talk shows and has stayed home, missing family events, when certain sporting events are on.
I've heard of other friends and acquaintances having to take care of and even losing their parents. Now, it's time for me to visit this subject and really put some thought into it.
My dad is sick. A few months ago, in the back of my mind, Parkinson's came up. I didn't pay much attention to it... until now. That is my diagnosis. I would never wish that on anyone (definitely not my dad) and feel a huge sense of guilt even saying the word. He hasn't been tested by a Western Medicine Physician... that's next.
I haven't told him yet. I haven't told him I think he should be tested for Parkinson's. Not sure how I will go about this. I feel heavy.
Parkinson's? My dad? That can't be... can it? I've only had a few days to really absorb this. We'll wait for the official diagnosis... but I can't help but to feel sad.
My dad told me, more than once, he never wanted to be a burden on me or my brother. He also doesn't want to feel helpless. He said he always has a way out... "it" is an option for him.
To the man who means sooo much to me...
Dearest Dad,
I love you more than you'll ever know.
You are my best friend. You are my support. You have been there for me in so many ways. You have loved me unconditionally.
You supported me when I told you I was pregnant... at 16. You supported me when I told you I was pregnant, time after time, after time! ;)
You were supportive when I said, "Dad, we're selling EVERYTHING and moving into a 21 foot RV for the summer." And again the next summer, and again the following summer.
You were supportive when I said I was homeschooling Shaylee and then the rest of the kids. You were supportive when I said I wasn't immunizing the kids.
You were supportive when I said I was treating my kids at home and we weren't going to go to the hospital or use western medicine when they were sick.
You supported me when I said, "Dad, I'm getting a divorce.... I'm taking the five kiddos and I'm leaving him."
You never doubted me.... at least out loud. ;)
Dad, thanks for loving me and believing in me. You have been such a strength in my life. You are my earth angel.
Dad, I am here to support you now. I am here for you. I want to be your strength and support. Allow me to be your earth angel.
Whatever decisions you make, whatever feelings you have, I am here to support you. I will not judge you and won't take anything personal.
I love you unconditionally, Dad. You are my hero... my hero.
With Pure Love.... Your daughter,
Nae
Feeling A Change With My Bloggin' Style!
Decided to write using my capital letters again. I'm usually on and off with my grammar, punctuation, capital letters, etc.
Read someone's blog recently and loved the layout and how beautiful it was.
Working on my presentation!
xoxo
Read someone's blog recently and loved the layout and how beautiful it was.
Working on my presentation!
xoxo
Nostradamus and Kuan Yin, Bodhisattva of Compassion
These are a couple of names and books that have been given to me recently. I always think books, names, and subjects show up when you're ready for them and can learn from them.
I was at a garage sale with the kiddos about three days ago. I had a stack of books, but ended up only walking away with one. It was one the lady who was holding the sale said she would recommend. Bodhisattva of Compassion... The Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin. Wow, what an interesting book!
"To hear her name and see her form
Delivers beings from every woe."
-Lotus Sutra
From the back...
This portrait of the Goddess of Compassion is both an informative study by a leading scholar of Buddhism and an engaging account of the author's search for the mystical significance of the goddess. An object of joyous devotion in Chinese folk religion, Kuan Yin is revered for her saving power: it is said that anyone in distress who calls on her with sincerity will be rescued from suffering and harm. On a deeper level, Kuan Yin symbolizes the liberating energy of compassion, which is an indispensable aid in the quest for enlightenment.
He explores the origin of the Bodhisattva of Compassion in India and Tibet, in the form of Avalokiteshvara - a male deity who evolved into the gentle mother figure of Chinese Buddhism, Kuan Yin.
There are many statues, paintings, and art pieces displaying Kuan Yin.... different poses and holding different things. My favorite is one Mongolian bronze image of Tara of the Palace Museum in the Republic of Mongolia.
The thought of traveling to Tibet is intriguing. It sits at 16,000 feet.... the mountains, the people, the history, the "religion." I'm getting an adrenaline rush just thinking of it!
Nostradamus' name came in another extension of the numerology report. I didn't post it.. that might just be too much numerology on me! Apparently him and I share a few numbers. Googled him today, just to get a refresher and get to know him a little more. Such an interesting story! He was one of nine! I love big families. His first wife and two kiddos died from the plague... what a sad day. He did remarry later and had six more babies (ironically, three boys and three girls - like me!). Did ya know that? ;)
I was at a garage sale with the kiddos about three days ago. I had a stack of books, but ended up only walking away with one. It was one the lady who was holding the sale said she would recommend. Bodhisattva of Compassion... The Mystical Tradition of Kuan Yin. Wow, what an interesting book!
"To hear her name and see her form
Delivers beings from every woe."
-Lotus Sutra
From the back...
This portrait of the Goddess of Compassion is both an informative study by a leading scholar of Buddhism and an engaging account of the author's search for the mystical significance of the goddess. An object of joyous devotion in Chinese folk religion, Kuan Yin is revered for her saving power: it is said that anyone in distress who calls on her with sincerity will be rescued from suffering and harm. On a deeper level, Kuan Yin symbolizes the liberating energy of compassion, which is an indispensable aid in the quest for enlightenment.
He explores the origin of the Bodhisattva of Compassion in India and Tibet, in the form of Avalokiteshvara - a male deity who evolved into the gentle mother figure of Chinese Buddhism, Kuan Yin.
There are many statues, paintings, and art pieces displaying Kuan Yin.... different poses and holding different things. My favorite is one Mongolian bronze image of Tara of the Palace Museum in the Republic of Mongolia.
The thought of traveling to Tibet is intriguing. It sits at 16,000 feet.... the mountains, the people, the history, the "religion." I'm getting an adrenaline rush just thinking of it!
Nostradamus' name came in another extension of the numerology report. I didn't post it.. that might just be too much numerology on me! Apparently him and I share a few numbers. Googled him today, just to get a refresher and get to know him a little more. Such an interesting story! He was one of nine! I love big families. His first wife and two kiddos died from the plague... what a sad day. He did remarry later and had six more babies (ironically, three boys and three girls - like me!). Did ya know that? ;)
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
an extension of the numerology piece...
more about me in numerology...
I hope you enjoyed the sample reading I sent you yesterday. I've been looking a little deeper at your numerology chart Jenae, and here is what I have found: I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you. I get the feeling of urgency with you Jenae, things that must be done, lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the cycles we all experience. From your Life Path in combination with your Soul Urge, I get the impression that you have a pleasant personality, and are generally liked by others. You can be easily hurt at times, and as a result are more careful with displaying your feelings than you used to be. Jenae, I sense that you are a very busy person who is always on the go. The more you have on your plate, the better. At times you wish you had less to do, but you would be totally lost if you woke up one morning and found nothing at all to do! This couldn't happen, of course, as every time you get a space you seem to fill it up very quickly. You'll be just as busy in late life as well ... in fact you won't get time to grow old, you'll just simply keep on growing! Having said that, it's not surprising you need a break after this past year. Let's face it - we all need a little breathing space now and again to re-charge our batteries. Remember to take time to smell the roses! Jenae, you have had a few worries recently about money, but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the next 18 months or so will be a lot easier. Looking at your Personal Days and Personal Months, you should be pleased Jenae ... it shows that shortly you will receive some pleasant news. It is nothing momentous, but is sufficient to raise your sights and hopes. It is good news. I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps - when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to anyone, as it you are walking on the outside of life. These feelings very occasionally reoccur. You are a very special person Jenae. The experiences you undergo are all for a very special purpose, one I'm sure you are not aware of yet. Nevertheless, you are progressing in exactly the right direction. Your timing is good and you are learning from every experience. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation, but I get the feeling that you are a highly evolved person, as if you have lived many times before. In time you will have much to offer the rest of us. Romantically, it has not always been easy, and your outlook on life has changed because of this. The future is much easier in this regard than in the past. Jenae, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the right decisions at times, and it looks as if you have. You work best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up. I see some travel in your future, and several new horizons beckoning. Your progress in this world has not always been as fast as you would like, but I can see significant growth in the future. You tend to feel you have a lot of unused capacity, and that people don't always give you full credit for your abilities. I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will keep on learning all the way through life. Jenae, this is just the smallest glimpse of what numerology can show you about your past, your present, and your future.
Wow... I'm loving numerology...
I hope you enjoyed the sample reading I sent you yesterday. I've been looking a little deeper at your numerology chart Jenae, and here is what I have found: I see you floating in a sea of endless time - great vistas and a feeling of lifetimes behind and ahead of you. I get the feeling of urgency with you Jenae, things that must be done, lessons that must be experienced. I sense the rhythm of life, the cycles we all experience. From your Life Path in combination with your Soul Urge, I get the impression that you have a pleasant personality, and are generally liked by others. You can be easily hurt at times, and as a result are more careful with displaying your feelings than you used to be. Jenae, I sense that you are a very busy person who is always on the go. The more you have on your plate, the better. At times you wish you had less to do, but you would be totally lost if you woke up one morning and found nothing at all to do! This couldn't happen, of course, as every time you get a space you seem to fill it up very quickly. You'll be just as busy in late life as well ... in fact you won't get time to grow old, you'll just simply keep on growing! Having said that, it's not surprising you need a break after this past year. Let's face it - we all need a little breathing space now and again to re-charge our batteries. Remember to take time to smell the roses! Jenae, you have had a few worries recently about money, but you know you have the power to solve them. While it's been a bit of a bumpy ride financially these past couple of years, the next 18 months or so will be a lot easier. Looking at your Personal Days and Personal Months, you should be pleased Jenae ... it shows that shortly you will receive some pleasant news. It is nothing momentous, but is sufficient to raise your sights and hopes. It is good news. I sense a period early on in your life - teenage years perhaps - when you felt misunderstood, as if you couldn't really get close to anyone, as it you are walking on the outside of life. These feelings very occasionally reoccur. You are a very special person Jenae. The experiences you undergo are all for a very special purpose, one I'm sure you are not aware of yet. Nevertheless, you are progressing in exactly the right direction. Your timing is good and you are learning from every experience. I don't know if you believe in reincarnation, but I get the feeling that you are a highly evolved person, as if you have lived many times before. In time you will have much to offer the rest of us. Romantically, it has not always been easy, and your outlook on life has changed because of this. The future is much easier in this regard than in the past. Jenae, you have sometimes wondered if you have made the right decisions at times, and it looks as if you have. You work best when you make your own mind up on things, though it is useful to ask other people for advice before you make your own mind up. I see some travel in your future, and several new horizons beckoning. Your progress in this world has not always been as fast as you would like, but I can see significant growth in the future. You tend to feel you have a lot of unused capacity, and that people don't always give you full credit for your abilities. I can see you happy and productive in your old age, surrounded by friends and family. You are of above average intelligence, and will keep on learning all the way through life. Jenae, this is just the smallest glimpse of what numerology can show you about your past, your present, and your future.
Wow... I'm loving numerology...
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
something i've been experiencing and have not shared....
wow... so much is coming up today. i've been experiencing different symptoms of "something" for a couple of years now! i have been google-ing, searching, asking, praying, hoping... didn't want to share with anyone, because i wasn't sure what was happening. recently, i have found out i am experiencing kundalini awakening.... AKA spiritual awakening, kundalini rising.
here is a break down of some of the symptoms....
here is a break down of some of the symptoms....
Symptoms of Spiritual Awakening
1. Changing sleep patterns: restlessness, hot feet, waking up two or three times a night. Feeling tired after you wake up and sleepy off and on during the day. There is something called the Triad Sleep Pattern that occurs for many: you sleep for about 2-3 hours, wake up, go back to sleep for another couple of hours, wake again, and go back to sleep again. For others, the sleep requirements have changed. You can get by on less sleep. Lately I have been experiencing huge waves of energy running into my body from the crown. It feels good, but it keeps me awake for a long time, then subsides.
Advice: Get used to it. Make peace with it and don’t worry about getting enough sleep (which often causes more insomnia). You will be able to make it through the day if you hold thoughts of getting just what you need. You can also request your Higher Power to give you a break now and then and give you a good, deep night’s sleep. If you can’t go back to sleep right away, use the waking moments to meditate, read poetry, write in your journal or look at the moon. Your body will adjust to the new pattern.
2. Activity at the crown of the head: Tingling, itching, prickly, crawling sensations along the scalp and/or down the spine. A sense of energy vibrating on top of the head, as if energy is erupting from the head in a shower. Also the sensation of energy pouring in through the crown, described as “sprinkles”. This may also be experienced as pressure on the crown, as if someone is pushing his/her finger into the center of your head. As I mentioned in #1, I have been experiencing huge downloads of energy through the crown. In the past, I have felt more generalized pressure, as if my head is in a gentle vise. One man related that his hair stood on end and his body was covered with goosebumps.
Advice: This is nothing to be alarmed about. What you are experiencing is an opening of the crown chakra. The sensations mean that you are opening up to receive divine energy.
3. Sudden waves of emotion. Crying at the drop of a hat. Feeling suddenly angry or sad with little provocation. Or inexplicably depressed. Then very happy. Emotional roller coaster. There is often a pressure or sense of emotions congested in the heart chakra (the middle of the chest). This is not to be confused with the heart, which is located to the left of the heart chakra.
Advice: Accept your feelings as they come up and let them go. Go directly to your heart chakra and feel the emotion. Expand it outward to your all your fields and breathe deeply from the belly all the way up to your upper chest. Just feel the feeling and let it evaporate on its own. Don’t direct the emotions at anyone. You are cleaning out your past. If you want some help with this, say out loud that you intend to release all these old issues and ask your Higher Power to help you. You can also ask Grace Elohim to help you release with ease and gentleness. Be grateful that your body is releasing these emotions and not holding onto them inside where they can do harm. One source suggests that depression is linked to letting go of relationships to people, work, etc. that no longer match us and our frequencies. When we feel guilty about letting go of these relationships, depression helps us medicate that pain.
4. Old “stuff” seems to be coming up, as described above, and the people with whom you need to work it out (or their clones) appear in your life. Completion issues. Or perhaps you need to work through issues of self-worth, abundance, creativity, addictions, etc. The resources or people you need to help you move through these issues start to appear.
Advice: Same as #3. Additionally, don’t get too involved in analyzing these issues. Examining them too much will simply cycle you back through them over and over again at deeper and deeper levels. Get professional help if you need to and walk through it. Do not try to avoid them or disassociate yourself from them. Embrace whatever comes up and thank it for helping you move ahead. Thank your Higher Power for giving you the opportunity to release these issues. Remember, you don’t want these issues to stay stuck in your body.
5. Changes in weight. The weight gain in the US population is phenomenal. Other people may be losing weight. We often gain weight because many fears we have suppressed are now coming up to the surface to be healed. We react by building up a defense. We also attempt to ground ourselves or provide bulk against increasing frequencies in our bodies.
Advice: Don’t freak out, but just accept it as a symptom of where you are right now. You will release/gain the weight when all your fears have been integrated. Release your anxiety about this. Then you might find it easier to lose/gain the weight eventually. Exercise. Before eating, try this: Sit at the table with an attractive place setting. Light a candle. Enjoy how the food looks. Place your dominant hand over your heart and bless the food. Tell your body that you are going to use the food to richly nourish it, but that you are not going to use the food to fulfill your emotional hungers. Then pass your hand from left to right over the food and bless it. You may notice that the food feels warm to your hand even if the food is cold– I like to think that the food is good for me when it feels warm and nourishing to my hand. I have also noticed that when I practice blessing the food, I don’t eat as much. It is important not to let yourself off the hook when you forget to bless the food before you eat. If I’ve forgotten and I’ve nearly finished eating, I bless the food anyway. That way I don’t slip out of the habit. Another thing you can do is to stay present while eating — don’t watch TV or read. Heartily enjoy what blessings are before you.
6. Changes in eating habits: Strange cravings and odd food choices. Some find they are not as hungry as they used to be. Or hungrier.
Advice: Don’t deny what your body tells you it needs. If you are not sure, you might try muscle-testing before you chose a food to see if it’s what your body wants. Also try blessing the food as described in #5.
7. Food intolerances, allergies you never had before: As you grow more spiritual, you are more sensitive to everything around you. Your body will tell you what it can no longer tolerate, as if it, too, is sloughing off what doesn’t serve it anymore. You might be cleansing yourself of toxins.
Some people find they often have a white residue in their mouth, much like that of runners at the end of a race.
Advice: An acupuncturist told me that this film can be removed by sloshing 2 tablespoons of cold-pressed olive oil in your mouth for 10-15 minutes (don’t swallow, whatever you do), then spitting it out into the toilet — not the sink, for you just removed toxins from your body and don’t want them in the sink. Brush your teeth and do the same. Then clean your brush.
(Sorry this is yukky, but it works.)
8. Amplification of the senses. Increased sensitivity.
8a. Sight: Blurry vision, shimmering objects, seeing glittery particles, auras around people, plants, animals, and objects. Some report seeing formerly opaque objects as transparent. When you close your eyes, you no longer see darkness, but a redness. You may also see geometric shapes or brilliant colors and pictures when eyes are closed. Colors appear more vivid — the sky might look teal or the grass an amazing green. Often I see grids running across the ground. As you become more sensitive, you may see shapes or outlines in the air, especially when the room is almost dark. When your eyes are open or closed, you may see white shapes in your peripheral vision (these are your guides).
Advice: Your vision is changing in many ways — you are experiencing new ways of seeing. Be patient. Whatever you do, do not be afraid. Hazy vision may be relieved by yawning.
8b. Hearing: Increased or decreased hearing. I once thought I would have to pull off the road because of the painfully amplified sound of my tires on the freeway. Other symptoms are hearing white noise in the head, beeps, tones, music or electronic patterns. Some hear water rushing, bees buzzing, whooshing, roaring or ringing. Others have what is called audio dyslexia– you can’t always make out what people are saying, as if you can no longer translate your own language. Some hear strange voices in their dreams, as if someone is hovering near them. You can either ask the presence(s) to leave or ask Archangel Michael to take care of the situation. Again, there is nothing to fear.
Advice: Surrender to it. Let it come through. Listen. Your ears are adjusting to new frequencies.
8c. Enhanced senses of smell, touch, and/or taste. I notice I can now smell and taste chemical additives in some foods in a rather unpleasant manner. Other food may taste absolutely wonderful. For some people, these enhancements are both delightful and distracting. You might even smell the fragrance of flowers now and then. Many of the mystics did. Enjoy it.
9. Skin eruptions: Rashes, bumps, acne, hives, and shingles. Anger produces outbreaks around the mouth and chin. I had a dermatitis on my extremities for several months that accompanied healing an episode from my past. When I had worked through most of the issue, the condition was released.
Advice: You may be sloughing off toxins and bringing emotions to the surface. When there is an issue to be released and you are trying to repress it, your skin will express the issue for you until you process the emotions. Work through your “stuff”.
10. Episodes of intense energy which make you want to leap out of bed and into action. Followed by periods of lethargy and fatigue. The fatigue usually follows great shifts. This is a time of integration, so give into it.
Advice: Roll with the nature of the energy. Don’t fight it. Be gentle with yourself. Take naps if you are tired. Write your novel if you are too energized to sleep. Take advantage of the type of energy.
11. Changes in prayer or meditation. Not feeling the same sensations as before. Not having the same experience of being in contact with Spirit. Difficulty in focusing.
Advice: You may be in more instant and constant communion with Spirit now and the sensation may therefore be altered. You will adapt to this new feeling. You are actually thinking acting in partnership with Spirit most of the time now. You may find your meditation periods shorter.
12. Power surges: All of a sudden you are heated from head to toe. It is a momentary sensation, but uncomfortable. In contrast, some people have felt inexplicably cold. I have experienced both. More recently I experience waves or currents of energy rolling through me. Sometimes the energy seems so intense when it first comes into my body that I feel a little nauseated. But if I think of the energy as divine and let go of fear, I feel wonderful and enjoy the sensation. If you are an energy worker, you may have noticed that the heat running through your hands has increased tremendously. This is good.
Advice: If you are uncomfortable, ask your Higher Power, that if it be for your best and highest good, to turn down/up the temperature a bit.
13. A range of physical manifestations: Headaches, backaches, neck pains, flu-like symptoms (this is called vibrational flu), digestive problems, muscular spasms or cramps, racing heartbeat, chest pains, changes in sexual desire, numbness or pain in the limbs, and involuntary vocalizations or bodily movements. Some of us have even had old conditions from childhood reappear briefly for healing.
Advice: Remember what I said about seeking medical help if you need it! If you have determined that this is not a medical condition, relax in the realization that it is only temporary.
14. Looking younger. Yippee! As you clear emotional issues and release limiting beliefs and heavy baggage from the past, you are actually lighter. Your frequency is higher. You love yourself and life more. You begin to resemble the perfect you that you really are.
15. Vivid dreams. Sometimes the dreams are so real that you wake up confused. You may even have lucid dreams in which you are in control. Many dreams may be mystical or carry messages for you. And in some dreams, you just know that you are not “dreaming” — that what is happening is somehow real.
Advice: You will remember what is important for you to remember. Don’t force anything. Above all, stay out of fear.
16. Events that completely alter your life: death, divorce, change in job status, loss of home, illness, and/or other catastrophes — sometimes several at once! Forces that cause you to slow down, simplify, change, re-examine who you are and what your life means to you. Forces that you cannot ignore. Forces that cause you release your attachments. Forces that awaken your sense of love and compassion for all.
17. A desire to break free from restrictive patterns, life-draining jobs consumptive lifestyles, and toxic people or situations. You feel a compelling need to “find yourself” and your life purpose — now! You want to be creative and free to be who you really are. You might find yourself drawn to the arts and nature. You want to unclutter yourself from things and people that no longer serve you.
Advice: Do it!
18. Emotional and mental confusion: A feeling that you need to get your life straightened out–it feels like a mess. But at the same time you feel chaotic and unable to focus. See #45.
Advice: Put your ear to your heart and your own discernment will follow.
19. Introspection, solitude and loss of interest in more extraverted activities: This stage has come as a surprise to many extraverts who formerly saw themselves as outgoing and involved. They say, “I don’t know why, but I don’t like to go out as much as before.”
20. Creativity bursts: Receiving images, ideas, music, and other creative inspirations at an often overwhelming rate.
Advice: At least record these inspirations, for Spirit is speaking to you about how you might fulfill your purpose and contribute to the healing of the planet.
21. A perception that time is accelerating. It seems that way because you have had so many changes introduced into your life at an unprecedented rate. The number of changes seems to be growing.
Advice: Breaking your day up into appointments and time segments increases the sense of acceleration .You can slow time down by relaxing into the present moment and paying attention to what’s at hand, not anticipating what’s ahead. Slow down and tell yourself that you have plenty of time. Ask your Higher Power to help you. Keep your focus on the present. Try to flow from one activity to the next. Stay tuned to your inner guidance… You can also warp time by asking for it. Next time you feel rushed, say, “Time warp, please. I need some more time to —–.” Then relax.
22. A sense of impendingness. There is a feeling that something is about to happen. This can create anxiety.
Advice: There is nothing to worry about. Things are definitely happening, but anxiety only creates more problems for you. All your thoughts — positive or negative– are prayers. There is nothing to fear.
23. Impatience. You know better, but sometimes you can’t help it. You want to get on with what seems to be coming your way. Uncertainty is not comfortable.
Advice: Learn to live with the uncertainty, knowing that nothing comes to you until you are ready. Impatience is really a lack of trust, especially trust in your Higher Power. When you focus on the present, you will experience miracles — yes, even in traffic.
24. A deep yearning for meaning, purpose, spiritual connection, and revelation. Perhaps an interest in the spiritual for the first time in your life. “Constant craving”, as k.d. lang says. The material world cannot fulfill this longing.
Advice: Follow your heart and the way will open up for you.
25. A feeling that you are somehow different. A disquieting sense that everything in your life feels new and altered, that you have left your old self behind. You have. You are much greater than you can possibly imagine. There is more to come.
26. “Teachers” appear everywhere with perfect timing to help you on your spiritual journey: people, books, movies, events, Mother Nature, etc. Teachers may appear to be negative or positive when you are trapped in polarity thinking, but, from a transcendent perspective, they are always perfect. Just what you need to learn from and move on. By the way, we never get more than we are ready to master. Each challenge presents us with an opportunity to show our mastery in passing through it.
27. You find a spiritual track that makes sense to you and “speaks to you” at the most profound levels. Suddenly you are gaining a perspective that you would never have considered before. You hunger to know more. You read, share with others, ask questions, and go inside to discover more about who you are and why you are here.
28. You are moving through learning and personal issues at a rapid pace. You sense that you are “getting it” quite readily.
Advice: Keep remembering that things will come to you when they are ready to be healed. Not sooner. Deal with whatever comes up with courage and you will move through the issues rapidly.
29. Invisible presences. Here is the woo-woo stuff. Some people report feeling surrounded by beings at night or having the sensation of being touched or talked to. Often they will wake with a start. Some also feel their body or bed vibrate. The vibrations are caused by energetic changes after emotional clearing has taken place.
Advice: This is a sensitive topic, but you may feel better blessing your bed and space around it before you sleep. I rest assured that I am surrounded only by the most magnificent spiritual entities and am always safe in God’s care. Sometimes, however, the fear gets to me, and I call in Archangel Michael and/or Archangel Uriel. I don’t beat myself up for being afraid sometimes. I forgive myself for not always sovereign at 3:00 a.m.
30. Portents, visions, “illusions”, numbers, and symbols: Seeing things that have spiritual importance for you. Noticing how numbers appear synchronistically in your awareness. Everything has a message if you take the time to look. I enjoy the experience of “getting the messages.” What fun!
31. Increased integrity: You realize that it is time for you to seek and speak your truth. It suddenly seems important for you to become more authentic, more yourself. You may have to say “no” to people whom you have tried to please in the past. You may find it intolerable to stay in a marriage or job or place that doesn’t support who you are. You may also find there is nowhere to hide, no secrets to keep anymore. Honesty becomes important in all your relationships.
Advice: Listen to your heart. If your guidance tells you not to do something, speak up and take action. Say “no”. Likewise, you must also say “yes” to that which compels you. You must risk displeasing others without guilt in order to attain spiritual sovereignty.
32. Harmony with seasons and cycles: You are becoming more tuned to the seasons, the phases of the moon and natural cycles. More awareness of your place in the natural world. A stronger connection to the earth.
33. Electrical and mechanical malfunctions: When you are around, light bulbs flicker, the computer locks up, or the radio goes haywire.
Advice: Call on your angels, guides, or Grace Elohim to fix it or put up a field of protection of light around the machine. Surround your car with blue light. Laugh.
34. Increased synchronicity and many small miracles. Look for more of these.
Advice: Synchronistic events tell you if you are heading in the right direction or making the correct choices. Honor these clues and you cannot go astray. Spirit uses synchronicity to communicate to you. That’s when you begin to experience daily miracles. See #30.
35. Increased intuitive abilities and altered states of consciousness:
Thinking of someone and immediately hearing from them. More synchronicities. Having sudden insights about patterns or events from the past. Clairvoyance, out-of-body experiences, and other psychic phenomena. Intensified sensitivity and knowing. Awareness of one’s essence and that of others. Channeling angelic and Christ-consciousness energies.
36. Communication with Spirit. Contact with angels, spirit guides, and other divine entities. Channeling. More and more people seem to be given this opportunity. Feeling inspiration and downloading information that takes form as writing, painting, ideas, communications, dance, etc.
37. A sense of Oneness with all. A direct experience of this Wholeness. Transcendent awareness. Being flooded with compassion and love for all life. Compassionate detachment or unconditional love for all is what lifts us up to higher levels of consciousness and joy.
38. Moments of joy and bliss. A deep abiding sense of peace and knowing that you are never alone.
39. Integration: You become emotionally, psychologically, physically, and spiritually stronger and clearer. You feel as if you are in alignment with your Higher Self.
40. Living your purpose: You know you are finally doing what you came to earth for. New skills and gifts are emerging, especially healing ones. Your life/work experiences are now converging and starting to make sense. You are finally going to use them all.
Advice: Listen to your heart. Your passion leads you to where you must go. Go within and ask your Higher Power, “What is it you would have me do?” Watch for synchronicities. Listen.
41. Feeling closer to animals and plants. To some people, animals now seem to be more “human” in their behavior. Wild animals are less afraid. Plants respond to your love and attention more than ever. Some may even have messages for you.
42. Seeing beings of other dimensions. The veil between dimensions is thinner, so it is not surprising. Just stay in your sovereignty. You are more powerful than you can ever imagine, so do not entertain fear. Ask your guides for help if you slip into fear.
43. Seeing a person’s true form or seeing loved ones with a different face — past life or parallel life.
44. Physically manifesting thoughts and desires more quickly and efficiently.
Advice: Monitor your thoughts. All thoughts are prayers. Be careful what you ask for.
45. Left -brain fogginess. Your psychic abilities, your intuitive knowing, your feeling and compassion, your ability to experience your body, your visioning, your expressiveness all emanate from the right brain. In order for this side of the brain to develop more fully, the left brain must shut down a little bit. Normally the left-hemisphere’s capacity for order, organization, structure, linear sequencing, analysis, evaluation, precision, focus, problem-solving, and mathematics dominate our often less-valued right brain.
What results are memory lapses, placing words in the wrong sequence, inability or no desire to read for very long, inability to focus; forgetting what you are just about to say; impatience with linear forms of communication (audio or written formats); a feeling of spaciness, being scattered; losing interest in research or complex information; feeling bombarded with words and talk and information; and a reluctance to write. Sometimes you feel dull and have no interest in analysis, lively intellectual discussion, or investigation.
On the other hand, you might find yourself drawn to the sensate: videos, magazines with photos, beautiful artwork, movies, music, sculpting, painting, being with people, dancing, gardening, walking, and other kinesthetic forms of expression. You may search for spiritual content, even science fiction.
Advice: You may discover that if you allow your heart and your right brain to lead you, the left will then be activated appropriately to support you. And someday we will be well-balanced, using both hemispheres with mastery.
46. Dizziness. This occurs when you are ungrounded. Perhaps you have just cleared a big emotional issue and your body is adjusting to your “lighter” state.
Advice: Ground yourself by eating protein. Sometimes “comfort food” feels right. Don’t make any food right or wrong for you. Use your guidance to know what you need at any given moment. Take your shoes off and put your feet in the grass for a couple of minutes.
47. Falling, having accidents, breaking bones. Your body is not grounded or perhaps your life is out of balance. Or your body may be telling you to slow down, examine certain aspects of your life, or heal certain issues. There is always a message. When I recently broke my ankle, I understand that my ankle was taking on what I myself refused to deal with. And that was all of the above.
Advice: Stay grounded by taking your shoes off and putting your feet in the grass; even better, lie down on the grass without a blanket under you. Feel the earth beneath you. Get out in nature. Slow down and pay attention. Be mindful about what you are doing. Feel your feelings when they come up. Stay in the present. Surround yourself with blue light when you are feeling shaky.
49. Heart palpitations. A racing heart usually accompanies a heart opening. It only lasts for a few moments and means that the heart is re-balancing itself after an emotional release. I had one episode that terrified me: I woke up in the middle of the night, my heart pounding.
I thought it was going to come right out of my chest. It only happened once and was, I understand, a huge heart-chakra opening. But I did check it out. There is nothing wrong with my heart.
Advice: Remember what I said about getting medical attention when needed. Consult your doctor about any conditions you are not comfortable with.
50. Faster hair and nail growth. More protein is being used in the body. Too bad we can’t tell the body where to grow the hair and where not to grow it. (Or can we? Hmmm.)
51. A desire to find your soulmate or twin flame. More than ever before, the idea that we can have a relationship that matches who we are seems more desirable.
Advice: The truth is, we have to be the kind of person we want to attract.
We have to love ourselves and where we are right now before we can attract a more “perfect” mate. The work begins at home. Here is how I think it works: Hold the desire for this person in your heart, but without attachment. Expect that someday you will meet someone who is more suited to you, but let go of any expectations as to who this will be and how it will happen. Focus instead on cleaning up your own life and being the kind of person you want to be. Be happy now. Enjoy your life. Then you may see…..
52. Memories surface. Body memories, suppressed memories, images of past lives and/or parallel lives. We are healing and integrating all our “selves”, so expect to have some of these experiences.
Advice. Keep in mind that it is best to recall what only what comes to mind, leave the rest alone, don’t analyze everything to death (because you will be stuck in the tape loop of infinite issues to process), and feel your feelings as they come up. Ask for help from your guides.
Symptoms by Karen Bishop
So glad I have found out what this "craziness" is.... and now super excited about it and comfortable with it.....
What is Ayurveda?
Ayurveda, often called the “Mother of all Medicine”, is the ancient, time-tested Indian art of physical, mental, and emotional healing. Based on balances innate and unique to each individual, Ayurveda works at the deepest levels of life.
so ancient, pure and beautiful. i love how the treatments are treatment(s) and not treatment. treating the whole.... lovely. my favorite part in this is that the body does have its innate, healthy balance... every body does. funny... the "mother" of all medicine. i think it fits!
Literally translated as “the science of life”, Ayurveda uses the language of Nature to describe the intricacies of health and disease. Treatments, including herbs, foods, massage, music, color, relaxation techniques, yoga, and other natural processes, work to restore your body to its innate, healthy balance.
so ancient, pure and beautiful. i love how the treatments are treatment(s) and not treatment. treating the whole.... lovely. my favorite part in this is that the body does have its innate, healthy balance... every body does. funny... the "mother" of all medicine. i think it fits!
my free numerology report....
Jenae, your Life Path of 4 ...
You are a trustworthy, practical and down to earth individual who places ethics above materialism and greed. You are a humanist at heart, and your life path focus is usually related to manifesting the greater philosophical ideals into practical reality. For this reason your expectations of yourself and others are unusually high.
You are a doer, more than a talker and nothing annoys you more than an individual that does not follow through on what he or she says he is going to do. You don't suffer fools gladly and have no problem swiftly eliminating people who you consider being a liability from your life. You especially have no tolerance for silly, neurotic or shallow people.
One of the problems of being a four is that you expect others to be of demanding of themselves as you are of yourself. It is painful for you to realize that others simply don't have the same perseverance, dedication and devotion to improving the world that you do. Many 4's are also extremists, tending to be very right wing or very left wing in their thinking.
Your incredible stamina, perseverance and will power allow you to accomplish ten times the amount of work that anyone else can in one day. Others often realize this about 4 and take advantage of your almost superhuman qualities. Your organization and planning skills are exemplary and for that reason you are a fantastic strategist, administrator, project manager. You are a perfect example of how "slow and steady wins the race."
However, it is part of your life path to learn how to delegate responsibility and let others take care of themselves every now and then! Many 4's are unhappy campers by the end of their lives simply because they chose the path of the hard-working martyrs while others reaped the benefits of all of their pioneering work. To avoid this you should always spare yourself the trouble of always making things right and let others be accountable for their own mistakes.
Often your tenacity and strong will is perceived as stubbornness. Fours often don't make good leaders as others see them as too autocratic and demanding. Of all of the numbers, you are most prone to such disorders as obsessive compulsive disorder and being addicted to perfection. The plus side of this is that many of you own dream homes that are spic and span from top to bottom. You are also an excellent landscaper and interior decorator.
You choose your friends and business partners wisely and function best in a team of two. You may have few close friends during your lifetime but the ones that you do have are loyal for life. You are dependable and trustworthy and more willing than most people to sacrifice what you have for greater good of all. Those who witness this are often touched by your kindness.
You are enraged by any type of social injustice and can be quite outspoken about politics, religion or ethics. Although your intentions are good, it is also one of your life challenges to learn to be tolerant of other's beliefs and opinions.
As the number 4 is associated with the earth element and the four elements you a re the most grounded of all of the numbers. This makes you an excellent parent and provider. You usually marry early in life and because of your conscientiousness about money are quite wealthy by the end of your days. You also love animals and will probably enjoy the company of many pets during your lifetime.
Jenae, your Expression of 1 ...
Your Potential Natural Talents and Abilities
You are a doer, not a dreamer. You express yourself through definitive choices and deliberate action. Nothing irritates you more than people who procrastinate, are self-indulgent or spend too much time analyzing a situation before acting.
You are a courageous and natural born leader who is not afraid to makes things happen. The penultimate in self-expression for a number 1 is the outward manifestations of success: rewards, recognition and material abundance! These are the things that define you, not the opinions of other people.
You are naturally aggressive by nature, but a charm and a talent for persuasion temper it. You are an incredible multi-tasker and project manager. For this reason many of you thrive in such positions as producers, leaders, sales executives and administrators.
You retreat from situations where you feel you are not in control and may express resentment of authority or be uncooperative. This is why you need an occupation where you can act on your own without too much restraint from others.
You can be quite blunt in your approach to things to the extent that others can perceive you as being too controlling or heartless. These traits help you make a killing when it comes to business, but your frankness is not often appreciated in personal relationships. One thing that many number ones need to master during their lifetime is the fine art of tact.
You also have a tendency to jump to conclusions or make assumptions about others without fully analyzing the matter first. People are often startled by your tendency to "look before you leap." For this reason, you need a right hand man or woman or some kind of best friend to encourage you to sleep on important matters before you make a split decision.
Your natural physical grace and beauty often has you excelling at dancing and athletics. As you are a very proud number, you are always meticulously groomed and putting your best foot forward in life. People are often very impressed by the consistency of your habits and routines. However sometimes an over preoccupation with fashion or your looks can make you seem shallow to others.
You are very clear and concise with your speech and body language. For this reason you often come across as being very forthright and honest, even if you are not!
In love you tend to be the one to take the lead as you are usually eager to express your feelings so that the matter is taken care of in the future. This is sometimes too pushy to loved ones who may process their feelings at a slower rate than you. You may also have a bad habit of deciding how someone feels before asking them.
When it comes to fashion and style you prefer the simplicity of classic tailoring and traditional styles. However you also love anything that can bear your initials or a signature so many of your items may bear a monogram. You may also express your individuality by adding a personal unique touch to a classic piece of clothing.
Your fondness for things that are one of a kind may also extend to your furniture and heart. You express how proud you are of your achievements by taking good care of your possessions. You also take care of number one by paying careful attention to your physical body and for this reason tend to enjoy good health well into your later years.
Jenae, your Soul Urge of 3 ...
What You Desire To Be, To Have, and To Do In Your Life
Your soul urge is about the cultivation and expression of your personality. Usually this energy manifests as a great achievement in the theatrical or artistic world. You shine at any kind of activity that involves public performance including acting, singing or politics. In fact, you love performing so much that you would do it for free. Exhibiting your talents is second nature for you although many of you also develop lucrative careers from doing so as well.
If your talents are not developed it seems that your unique soul urge may also manifest itself in lesser ways such as the development of a beautiful speaking voice, a distinctive way of dressing or a talent for being the perfect host or hostess. You don't necessarily care who or how many people you make an impact on. If an opportunity presents itself where you can be the center of attention than you will take advantage of it.
Perhaps your biggest asset is your rich imagination. This is your inner treasure chest from which you find the solutions to all of your problems and every body else's as well. You also have an incredible knack for story telling and mesmerizing others with your tales. You adore the innocence of children and nothing makes your heart happier than the sound of a child's laughter.
However your tendency towards non-stop chatter sometimes works against you as others perceive it as self-centered or a way of stealing focus. Also you are so clever with words that it may be hard for others to ever win an argument with you or even get a word in edgewise. As a result, you may often be left behind or not invited to engage in discussion at all.
You really don't handle rejection well and if you can't get the approval you crave you have a natural tendency to retreat into your own little world. Isolation is very unhealthy for you, as your imagination tends to distort situations and create paranoia and suspicion where it need not exist. Rather than sulk about a professional or relationship set back your best course of action is to pick yourself up and try again. If depression still persists then you need to throw a pail of cold water over your burning ego by going out and doing a deliberate act of charity or philanthropy for those who are less fortunate than you do. Only this will truly serve the higher calling of your soul and have you viewing the world through rose colored glasses again.
A great sense of humor is also one of your greatest assets and if you were a doctor you would heal by helping others to "laugh themselves well." You can't bear pessimistic people or persons that take life too seriously and will go to great lengths to lighten up sober types up. A drawback of this is that sometimes others perceive you as saying inappropriate things or not respecting the belief or wishes of another. One of your challenges in life is to recognize that there is a critic in every crowd.
However, no critic could ever be as hard on you as you are with yourself. As you are a perfectionist and a master of timing and delivery, you take it very hard if for some reason you miss an opportunity. This is because you set standards and expectations of yourself that are very high. It is hard for you to realize that your low are most other people's highs and that the best remedy for feelings of failure is to count your blessings.
hmmm... from my journal....
so, i was talking about patience.... hee hee. ;) check out this excerpt from my journal...
"stay out of the trap of impatience as much as possible - for that matter, even staying out of patience, because patience is just a closed valve pretending to be open with all its focus on what hasn't happened."
ayight... i get it. just keeping it balanced and in the now. no more patience or impatience. ;)
some other fun excerpts from the journal...
"passion is creation"
"contentment is swell, but passion makes it happen."
"we're always going to have contrast... that's what we signed up for! no matter how bad the conditions may appear, they deserve no more attention than enough to warn us how we're flowing our energy."
"you don't have to change it.... you just have to stop focusing on it."
"deliberate creating is about flowing energy to attract, not about trying to push rivers upstream."
"bless my difficulties and show me their hidden guidance. give me the courage to accept what i discover and to initiate whatever action my healing requires."
most of these are from abraham hicks... go abe, go abe!
xoxo
lovin' life...
"stay out of the trap of impatience as much as possible - for that matter, even staying out of patience, because patience is just a closed valve pretending to be open with all its focus on what hasn't happened."
ayight... i get it. just keeping it balanced and in the now. no more patience or impatience. ;)
some other fun excerpts from the journal...
"passion is creation"
"contentment is swell, but passion makes it happen."
"we're always going to have contrast... that's what we signed up for! no matter how bad the conditions may appear, they deserve no more attention than enough to warn us how we're flowing our energy."
"you don't have to change it.... you just have to stop focusing on it."
"deliberate creating is about flowing energy to attract, not about trying to push rivers upstream."
"bless my difficulties and show me their hidden guidance. give me the courage to accept what i discover and to initiate whatever action my healing requires."
most of these are from abraham hicks... go abe, go abe!
xoxo
lovin' life...
patience... calm...
wow... i am feeling so patient and okay with it! i'm patient in general, don't get me wrong. just feeling super patient.... i'm feeling so calm and okay with where i am as a person and what is coming my way. thank you thirties! thank you universe! thank you, thank you, thank you.
i don't feel like dating, unless my man comes my way. i'm just not good at the dating thing and not into it really. i enjoyed dating after my divorce, but i'm not sure i'm good at it... just ready for my man. not in a rush, just not going to settle.
i am enjoying my kiddos. i am enjoying some me time. i am watching and feeling doors open daily. my girlfriend and i always joke and say, "just waiting on my sh#* to arrive." that's kinda where i'm at.
i know my man's coming... i can feel him.
i know i'm going to make a positive influence on this world and have my kiddos with me while bringing in money to support us... a J.O.B.
i'm currently spreading love and positivity everywhere i go... my crew certainly does that just in their presence.
life is amazing and i'm so glad to be an active participant! loving people, loving life, loving my kiddos, loving my dad, my dog, loving, loving, loving.... one of my purposes here on earth is to love. i'm thinking i can handle that! ;)
i don't feel like dating, unless my man comes my way. i'm just not good at the dating thing and not into it really. i enjoyed dating after my divorce, but i'm not sure i'm good at it... just ready for my man. not in a rush, just not going to settle.
i am enjoying my kiddos. i am enjoying some me time. i am watching and feeling doors open daily. my girlfriend and i always joke and say, "just waiting on my sh#* to arrive." that's kinda where i'm at.
i know my man's coming... i can feel him.
i know i'm going to make a positive influence on this world and have my kiddos with me while bringing in money to support us... a J.O.B.
i'm currently spreading love and positivity everywhere i go... my crew certainly does that just in their presence.
life is amazing and i'm so glad to be an active participant! loving people, loving life, loving my kiddos, loving my dad, my dog, loving, loving, loving.... one of my purposes here on earth is to love. i'm thinking i can handle that! ;)
Friday, October 8, 2010
feelin' like bloggin'.... ;)
kiddos are sleeping... so beautiful.
i watch them manifest things in their lives and i just sit back and smile. wow... they are good, too. they know their power and use it effortlessly... from skateboards to food, to hair cuts, and on and on.
my seven-year-old little man will be super angry and things will start heading "down hill" for him. then he'll turn around and say, "mama, i'm going to have a good day." he'll change his attitude and the rest of his day will be good.
i'm feeling super grateful for where we are right now. i love coming home to this beautiful, mountain home. i love seeing my kiddos in this environment. i enjoy watching them grow, learn and teach as they journey on. i'm sooo enjoying my gym and my workouts... playing ball and doing my thing.
feeling like things are turning around and might take an amazing turn for the good soon. bring it.... i'm ready with a smile. ;)
i watch them manifest things in their lives and i just sit back and smile. wow... they are good, too. they know their power and use it effortlessly... from skateboards to food, to hair cuts, and on and on.
my seven-year-old little man will be super angry and things will start heading "down hill" for him. then he'll turn around and say, "mama, i'm going to have a good day." he'll change his attitude and the rest of his day will be good.
i'm feeling super grateful for where we are right now. i love coming home to this beautiful, mountain home. i love seeing my kiddos in this environment. i enjoy watching them grow, learn and teach as they journey on. i'm sooo enjoying my gym and my workouts... playing ball and doing my thing.
feeling like things are turning around and might take an amazing turn for the good soon. bring it.... i'm ready with a smile. ;)
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