Single Mama W/ Boys!

I'm not the first or only single mama that is trying to raise boys into beautiful, strong, healthy, loving, independent, well-balanced men. It's been challenging for me lately. I'm all about reading up on other mama's stories, books, and anything inspiring for me to feel more apt and stronger in this area.... so that's what I've been spending my time on.

My three youngest are boys... Isaiah -7, Malik -4, and Keenan -almost 2.

Isaiah is super intelligent and has a lot of energy! He loves numbers... counting and having money is a passion of his. He reads, writes, and is quite the artist. He sleeps, eats, and dreams about skateboarding. Lately, he's really been into playing catch with his football.

Malik is my little brute but a big lover. He is ALL boy. The little man likes anything his big brother does. He skateboards, loves me to read Dr. Seuss stories to him, and is all about wrestling, spitting, jumping, yelling, and speaks the "caveman" language. He's been working on pronouncing and annunciating his words, so his speech is getting more clear every day.

My little Keenan... he's the baby of the family. He is spoiled and loved by all. He's quite the character and super cute. He knows it, too. ;) He loves both of his brothers, follows them around, and tries to be like them. His three big sisters just adore him.

So, my oldest is in college and my older two girls are in school during the weekday. I am home with the three boys.

Isaiah started school this year.... it was a mess! It was one week of complete hell for him and everyone around him. He didn't want to be there, wasn't fond of the teacher, didn't like the rules, and cried with anger every day. I think he's pretty angry inside in general. I'm sure it has something to do with his dad and I splitting up and the journey of that relationship right up to today.

I've homeschooled for so long, I figured one more year of having him at home would be fine. He's only 7... he could start next year. That was my thinking at the beginning of the year... now I'm questioning it. Plus, I am not as into the homeschooling and it's not as easy as it used to be. It was easier when I had a partner to help tag-team breakfasts, lunches, dinners, reading time, bedtime, etc. I do have a homeschool group I can meet up with in the area, but we've only done that once in the past two months.

Isaiah and Malik have some type of sibling rivalry. Maybe it's just a boy thing.... they're very competitive with everything they do. They nit pick at eachother most of the time and can't help but to tell on one another throughout the day. They like to get physical and wrestle around, play football, etc.

Keenan loves them both, is still young and doesn't really take sides.

My Isaiah has somewhat turned around in the last two days with his negative attitude. He went to my ex's house for a day and came back with ego and negativity all over. He went to my oldest daughter's house and didn't want to come home. When he did, again, just negative. Didn't want his family, definitely not his younger brother, Malik. Life sucked and everything was awful.

As a mom, that made me feel bad.... oh, but over it now. ;) I'm the "Ultimate Mama Warrior" and this is just a small battle on the big battle front! My little man Isaiah is crying out for more attention, more structure and boundaries. I have a tendency to give my kiddos choices and sometimes fall on the side of being too lenient. I am a woman, emotional, loving, and compassionate in all my womanliness. Most of the time I try to stay balanced, but the masculinity in me only comes roaring out during times of anger (productive anger for me). He needs some masculinity in his life for sure.

Since I do not have a man and he doesn't have a great male role model in his life at this point, I will be that man for now. I will set boundaries, get him into some martial arts and/or sports, encourage him in all of his masculine ways and research, read, learn and do whatever it takes to keep my little boys healthy in their masculinity. I'm thinking school is a great option for him... definitely next year, maybe this year and until then, some serious homeschooling and socializing through this group we are a part of. I also contacted Big Brothers/Big Sisters to see if that's an option.

Isaiah responds to male energy. If we're out with friends, family, etc. he's hangin' with the big boys. He has made a few big guy friends at his big sister's college. He craves that male energy.

I feel like little Malik is okay with his big brother, but responds to Isaiah's negativity towards him. If Isaiah was loving and friendly to Malik, Malik would respond in a positive light.

No worries... it's on. Just need to focus and step up.

The Sunshine Has Returned...

Yay... the sun has come out. Life is not feeling so heavy. I don't stay down for long. ;)

I called to check on my resume today. The conversation went well and they are still interviewing. Now it's a waiting thing... no worries, though. Just going to let it go. Thinking, by the time they call and the job works out, my car will be up and running. It'll all work out. I've done my thing... turned in my resume and cover letter, called today to check up on it. Now, just good vibes and positive thoughts.....

My roommate said if I wanted to sell some of the things in the basement on Craigslist, I could do so and keep a good portion of the money. She is ready to clean out that space. I put quite a few items on and quickly sold some tires from the basement for $100... enough to pay a few fees and get my tags right on my car! At least get a new temp tag so the towing company will tow it to the shop to get fixed. That is a step in the right direction. ;)

Tomorrow is my "coffee shop shopping" day. My dad is coming up to get me and spend the day with me and the boys... shopping. Another $50, time with my dad, my boys and my oldest, a grocery store run, and getting the tag for the car.... sounds like a good and productive day.

I'm always taken care of. I don't know why I get down now and then, but I suppose I'm human. :)

Always grateful.

Gloomy Today... Trying To Keep Shining

Feeling kinda down.... and it's overcast today. I need some sun and light from within to shine a little brighter.

My car has outdated tags, I have an "outdated" ticket that needs to be paid, and now the car is just not starting. Fortunately, it's covered under warranty for towing and repair (if it's the fuel pump problem that I think it is).... unfortunately, the tow company only tows cars with updated and legal tags. :(

Hmmmm..... "exhale."

I did submit a resume and cover letter on Wednesday for a job in an Ayurvedic Dr.'s office for a Receptionist/Office Admin. position! That would be super amazing and a giant step towards what I am super passionate about.... Ayurveda! The doctor is well known and has written many books. He studied in India and has been teaching and practicing for over 20 years! He also lives with his wife in the area and has six kids.... kinda ironic? ;) I want this job.... I'm a perfect fit! Hopefully the universe thinks so. The schedule is perfect for me, too... it would allow me to still be mom. My ex is kinda chillin' right now, so I'm thinking he can babysit until I get the daycare/school situation worked out for my kiddos.

Without my car, my freedom feels a little restricted. No bus system in the mountains.... well kinda. There is an express bus that would take me down to the flats where I could catch a regional bus... but the schedule is very limited. Not to mention taking the crew with me.... it would be six of us, a snack/food cooler, diaper bag, and maybe stuff to do on the bus for the kiddos.... transfers, bringing back groceries, walking a ways to the house.... a definite adventure!

And trying to get the girls to and from school has been interesting. We'll see what this next week brings.... not sure how that's going to work out. But, alas... I don't really need to know the how... I just know it will. Trying to keep my vibe high and my head up.

I miss my gym time.... my alone time... some type of breathing time. I did wake up last night after the kiddos fell asleep. I ran a hot bath, lit candles, played some soft music, put some essential oils in the bath, grabbed my Infinite Love and Gratitude book and soaked for about an hour.... mmmmmm. That was lovely. I'm grateful.

I am also feeling extremely ready to pay this sweet lady that has allowed me and my crew to live here. I haven't been able to pay her rent.... she so deserves it. She has been so welcoming and compassionate.

I'm ready to be productive! I want to work, I want to go to school, I want to support my crew and have our own space.

Hoping for this job... then I'll worry about this car thing and I'm sure it will all work out beautifully.

xoxo

Numerology... Age 51 and Beyond.

Here is my 4th pinnacle of life...

Fourth Pinnacle 11

Your latter years will be spent as both a seeker and a
teacher of enlightenment and knowledge. You may be a
practitioner of alternative medicine or the psychic arts.
At any rate, others will perceive you as being very wise
and seek out your counsel. Although money may not matter
much to you, you will try to raise it as you see riches as
being a manifestation of good energy. There is also likely
to be some travel and difficulty settling down as you seek
to place yourself in the world where your help is needed
most.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Remembering and honoring Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. today and so grateful for him.

Some of his words:

The oceans of history are made turbulent by the ever-rising tides of hate. History is cluttered with the wreckage of nations and individuals that pursued that self-defeating path of hate. Love is the key to the solution of the problems of the world. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Nobel Prize lecture, 11 December 1968

Will we march only to the music of time, or will we, risking criticism and abuse, march to the soul-saving music of eternity? ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Strength to Love, 1963

Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase.

[I]t must be emphasized that nonviolent resistance is not a method for cowards; it does resist. If one uses this method because he is afraid or merely because he lacks the instruments of violence, he is not truly nonviolent. This is why Gandhi often said that if cowardice is the only alternative to violence, it is better to fight. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story, 1958

Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illuminates it.

The majority of the Negroes who took part in the year-long boycott of Montgomery's buses were poor and untutored; but they understood the essence of the Montgomery movement; one elderly woman summed it up for the rest. When asked after several weeks of walking whether she was tired, she answered: "My feet is tired, but my soul is at rest." ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Stride Toward Freedom: The Montgomery Story, 1958

"My heart, which is so full to overflowing, has often been solaced and refreshed by music when sick and weary."

Black Power alone is no more insurance against social injustice than white power. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?, 1967

I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality. That is why right, temporarily defeated, is stronger than evil triumphant.

In the final analysis the weakness of Black Power is its failure to see that the black man needs the white man and the white man needs the black man. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?, 1967

I submit that an individual who breaks a law that conscience tells him is unjust, and who willingly accepts the penalty of imprisonment in order to arouse the conscience of the community over its injustice, is in reality expressing the highest respect for the law.

I still have a dream today that one day war will come to an end, that men will beat their swords into plowshares and their spears into pruning hooks, that nations will no longer rise up against nations, neither will they study war any more. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., The Trumpet of Conscience, 1968

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

If a man is called a streetsweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and Earth will pause to say, Here lived a great streetsweeper who did his job well. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

It may be true that the law cannot make a man love me, but it can stop him from lynching me, and I think that's pretty important.

I am convinced that the universe is under the control of a loving purpose, and that in the struggle for righteousness man has cosmic companionship. ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

Let no man pull you low enough to hate him.

The Negro is the child of two cultures - Africa and America. The problem is that in the search for wholeness all too many Negroes seek to embrace only one side of their natures. ~Martin Luther King, Jr., Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community?, 1967

Like an unchecked cancer, hate corrodes the personality and eats away its vital unity. Hate destroys a man's sense of values and his objectivity. It causes him to describe the beautiful as ugly and the ugly as beautiful, and to confuse the true with the false and the false with the true.

"You have as much laughter as you have faith."

Man must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

"This life therefore is not righteousness, but growth in righteousness, not health, but healing, not being but becoming, not rest but exercise. We are not yet what we shall be, but we are growing toward it, the process is not yet finished, but it is going on, this is not the end, but it is the road. All does not yet gleam in glory, but all is being purified."

Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.

"If you want to change the world, pick up your pen and write."

Returning violence for violence multiplies violence, adding deeper darkness to a night already devoid of stars... Hate cannot drive out hate: only love can do that.

"Although it is very easy to marry a wife, it is very difficult to support her along with the children and the household. Accordingly, no one notices this faith of Jacob. Indeed, many hate fertility in a wife for the sole reason that the offspring must be supported and brought up. For this is what they commonly say: ‘Why should I marry a wife when I am a pauper and a beggar? I would rather bear the burden of poverty alone and not load myself with misery and want.’ But this blame is unjustly fastened on marriage and fruitfulness. Indeed, you are indicting your unbelief by distrusting God’s goodness, and you are bringing greater misery upon yourself by disparaging God’s blessing. For if you had trust in God’s grace and promises, you would undoubtedly be supported. But because you do not hope in the Lord, you will never prosper."

Segregation is the adultery of an illicit intercourse between injustice and immorality.

Ten thousand fools proclaim themselves into obscurity, while one wise man forgets himself into immortality.

We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools.

When you are right you cannot be too radical; when you are wrong, you cannot be too conservative.

The hope of a secure and livable world lies with disciplined nonconformists who are dedicated to justice, peace and brotherhood.

All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face to face with another problem.

The good neighbor looks beyond the external accidents and discerns those inner qualities that make all men human and, therefore, brothers.

Nonviolence is the answer to the crucial political and moral questions of our time; the need for mankind to overcome oppression and violence without resorting to oppression and violence. Mankind must evolve for all human conflict a method which rejects revenge, aggression, and retaliation. The foundation of such a method is love.

Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.

The church was not merely a thermometer that recorded the ideas and principles of popular opinion; it was a thermostat that transformed the mores of society.

Now, I say to you today my friends, even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: - 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'

I submit to you that if a man hasn't discovered something he will die for, he isn't fit to live.

...And I've looked over, and I've seen the promised land. I may not get there with you, but I want you to know tonight that we as a people will get to the promised land. So I'm happy tonight. I'm not worried about anything. I'm not fearing any man.

Martin Luther King Jr., Speech in Memphis, April 3, 1968, the day before King was assassinated

Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.

Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Other quotes I love...

How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. ~Anne Frank

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. ~Mahatma Ghandi

Laundry is the only thing that should be separated by color. ~Author Unknown

I am working for the time when unqualified blacks, browns, and women join the unqualified men in running our government. ~Cissy Farenthold

Act as if what you do makes a difference. It does. ~William James

Dare to reach out your hand into the darkness, to pull another hand into the light. ~Norman B. Rice

What we have done for ourselves alone dies with us; what we have done for others and the world remains and is immortal. ~Albert Pike

A candle loses none of its light by lighting another candle. ~Author Unknown

Not only must we be good, but we must also be good for something. ~Henry David Thoreau

Do not wait for leaders; do it alone, person to person. ~Mother Teresa

Never do anything against conscience even if the state demands it. ~Albert Einstein

If you're walking down the right path and you're willing to keep walking, eventually you'll make progress.
Barack Obama

It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears to get to where we are today, but we have just begun. Today we begin in earnest the work of making sure that the world we leave our children is just a little bit better than the one we inhabit today.
Barack Obama

Change has come to America.
Barack Obama

and one more...

We've got a tragic history when it comes to race in this country. We've got a lot of pent-up anger and bitterness and misunderstanding. ... This country wants to move beyond these kinds of things.
Barack Obama

She Says I Am Scorpio?

So, a little while back I ran my charts with Carol Allen.... and this is what came about:

She says I am Scorpio in my Sun Sign and Scorpio in my Ascendant Sign.... Leo in my Moon Sign.

The other Astrologers have said my Sun and Ascendant Sign fall under Sagittarius.

I love Carol Allen and believe in her abilities much more than the other website. I will have to further research this. Eventually, I want to pay Carol to run and explain my charts.

Here is a sum of my planets landing in six signs:

ALL PLANETS IN SIX SIGNS:
This makes a person a lover of mankind,
concerned for the welfare of others and generous
to all. There's a tendency to make decisions
from the heart as well as the head, and to be
changeable. The character is usually high. This is
a happy combination that causes a person to be
full of feeling and enthusiasm, especially if
they feel they're making a significant
contribution in the lives of others and living a
life of purpose and meaning.

Then she says this:

If all of your planets fall into six signs,
make sure you really know a guy before getting
involved. Your natural optimism and tendency to
"follow your feelings" matched with the nature to
want to help others may cause you to pick men who
need too much support - but you won't notice
until you're too involved to get out.

Date of Birth

: 11/25/1975 (mm/dd/yyyy)

Time of Birth

: 08:30:00 (hh:mm:ss)

Place of Birth

: Topeka, KS, Shawnee, USA

It Takes Me A Minute...

So, it takes me a minute...
I can deal with that.

I get quicker as time goes on...
and now I've got a hold of it.

Didn't know what was up...
but, really I did.

It was in the back of my mind...
kinda hid.

Am I the one on the receiving end?

Am I the "wrong" color, my friend?

Never thought I'd feel this way.

Never thought judgment would come my way.

Well, let me ask you this, my man...
if I was brown, could I share in the "struggle" with you?

In the big picture, we're all vibrating...
and there's no color to that... we're related.

Maybe last lifetime, your skin was white, like mine?

Maybe last lifetime, I was African and I was your slave?

In the end, it's about Love....
Love for your brothers and sisters, Love for your mothers and daughters, Love for your fathers and sons, Love for the homeless and those less fortunate, Love for the life that is all around us.

Focusing on the hate, the violent history of and the segregation of our skin colors and racism will only feed it....
creating more of it.

Love, acceptance, hope, and knowing we are all in this together....
Embrace it.

Worried about what others might think...
you standing beside and loving a "white" woman?

Baby, my soul is pure with all different colors...
I know you can see right through me.

The only "struggle" is within you.

Love to you.