This Weekend... Just Lovely!

I had nothing planned this weekend.  I kinda thought we'd be hanging at home for the weekend, taking it easy.  I have had school the last two weekends and have school coming up the next two weekends.  This was my weekend to chill with the kiddos.

Last Thursday my roommate had mentioned she was going to have a friend over on Saturday morning.  She said it in passing, like it was not a big deal. 

I wanted to get out of the house and let her have her home to herself and her guest.  I spent most of my time Thursday and Friday cleaning and organizing.  It was beautiful by Saturday.

Saturday morning came.  I woke up around 5am, did my yoga asanas, pranayams, meditation and cleansed myself with the neti pot, the tongue scraper, the dry brush and oil, then a nice hot shower about 15 minutes later.... all Ayurvedic!  What a beautiful morning this was.  Then I felt like taking the kiddos out and about.  We got up and headed to Boulder and I decided it was a good day to go to the gym!  I hadn't been there for over a month... it was long over due and very needed.

The kids were great!  Everything was just flowing ALL weekend.  I had $90 in my account.  I was saving it to get my real plates... but after calculating, I knew I'd have some child support by the time my temp expires.  So, we needed gas and food and whatever else....  we had a beautiful lunch at Chipotle, headed to the gym (played ball and got on my stair master), then grabbed the kiddos some Jamba Juice, went to the park, then to the thrift store!  I let the girls grab two shirts each, the three boys got a couple of items and Mama got a skirt, some cool pants, and some funky, cool jewelry.  It was 1/2 price day at Arc!  I spent about $45 on all of that.  Whatever... not worried that I only had about $20 left and no gas and we still had not hit the grocery store!  It'll work out, it always does.  ;)

At the last minute, I called my sister.  It was about 5pm Saturday and I wasn't too far from her house.  I asked if we could come crash so I could give my roommate some space to enjoy her guest.  Of course, I got ahold of her right before she was about to leave for the theater.  The kids and I headed over there. 

My sister and her man, his boy, and one of our girlfriends and her little girl were headed to the Dinner Cinema, where you eat and watch a movie.  They offered to take my older three and pay for them.  It was such a genuine and heartfelt offer.  So, I stayed at the house with the two younger boys and sent my older three off to enjoy a surprise treat.  They loved it!  So grateful they get to experience things like that.  It's not something I have the funds for right now, and they still end up on these outings, just having a blast! 

They all got home around 10:00pm.  The two youngest were already asleep, so I got the other three tucked in and we all fell asleep.

I got up the next morning and headed to the grocery store to grab some breakfast for the kids.  Remember, I only had $20.... I spent $13 at the store on good quality eggs, humane breakfast sausage (on sale! marked down $2), organic milk (on sale! marked down $.99), bananas, and bread... about $7 left.

The moment after I had cooked everything, I decided to go to this church I've been wanting to check out.  It's a church of all religions.  They say it's based on the Science of the Mind and that all religions have truth to them.  It was definitely along the lines of what I believe in, so I went!  The kids didn't want to go, so I left the kiddos with my sister and headed to church. 

It was super uplifting and had some amazing people there!  Everyone was so present and aware.  You sit down and go through this guided meditation for the first 15-20 minutes and then onto the sermon.  There was a live band with great music.  It was very interactive, positive and just beautiful.  I will be returning.

I left the church and drove out of the parking lot.  On my way across the street, my car started "put-puttin."  I thought that maybe it was out of gas.  Then it died right after I pulled into the gas station and right before I got it to the pump!  A couple of random, sweet strangers helped me push it the rest of the way to the pump.  Unfortunately, the gas tank was on the OTHER side of the car.... the line didn't reach.  At the moment it was unfortunate, but in the bigger picture, it was fortunate.  ;)

I went into the gas station with $7 to my name.  The clerk had been watching this all happen so she was aware I was out of gas.  I asked if she had a gas container.  She said she did and it was already full of gas.  She told me I could just have the gas.... free.  So amazing. 

I took the container to my car and started pouring it into the tank.  I got about 1/2 of it in and thought that would be enough to get my car up and running... at least enough to get it to the other pump.

Well, I took the container back into the gas station, went back to my car, and it still wouldn't turn over.  At this point I'm thinking it's the fuel filter.  They changed the fuel pump about a month ago on my car and said it needed a new fuel filter.... it was going to cost about $120 that I didn't have at that time. 

I went back into the station and made a few calls.... my dad, Elma (my girlfriend), my sister's cell, and the house to talk to my kiddos.  The kids were great... but I wasn't able to get ahold of anyone that could help.

I then decided to walk back to the church.  I went into the church cafe and up to the coffee/latte line.  I took some of my only $7 and bought myself a mocha, sat down at the table and started to read my book.  I had to take a break and let this go.  It was going to work out, I just wasn't sure how.

A gentleman I had seen earlier came over and sat next to me.  He had really been suffering emotionally these last few months and felt like sharing.  He needed someone to listen.  I would guess he was around 50-years-old.  I was certainly up for listening and trying to help in any way I could to uplift his spirits. 

He had mentioned he lost his job and his girlfriend.  He was now on unemployment and living with his 81-year-old mother and felt awful.  He was in tears off and on while he was telling his story.  He said if I was going to listen, he wanted to buy me an omelette.  So, I sat eating my omelette and listening to his stories.

I told him it really only mattered how he felt about himself.  It was okay he was on unemployment and actually quite a blessing!  I told him to go visit his daughters in Oklahoma and take his golf clubs with him, because he loved to golf!  Take advantage of this time you have off... what a blessing. 

He was worried that he was worrying his mother too much.... I said what a blessing!  It gives her a purpose and something to focus on and love.  That is what us mothers do best.  What else would she be doing if not that right now? 

I told him to write down everything he was grateful for.. good parents that are still alive and well, his health, his beautiful car, and whatever else came to mind.

We had a great, long, uplifting talk.

Then, he said he wanted to give back to me by taking care of my car.  I had told him my story before he shared his and he really wanted me to have a functioning car to drive my kiddos around in. 

I was so surprised and not sure how to answer him.  He then continued to say that I was not going to disrupt his "giving."  That giving to me by fixing my car, made him feel good and it was not acceptable for me to take that away from him.  Mmmmm.... so grateful.

What a blessing.  He drove me to my car, I called the tow truck and this is what happened next...  ;)

The tow truck guy beat on my gas tank as I kept trying to turn over the car... it started!

I asked him if indeed it was my fuel filter and he looked at me and said, "No, Dude, you're out of gas!" 

LOL! 

I moved my car to the other pump.  Then the other gentleman from the church quickly inserted his credit card and filled my tank!  I don't remember the last time I had a FULL tank of gas.  This "stranger" just put $60 in my tank.  I am SO grateful and amazed.

The funny thing is he was SO grateful to me, too.  We were both just saying thank you, thank you, thank you as we parted.  I then drove to my sister's to pick up my kiddos.

From there, we stopped by my dad's and he was so happy to see all of us and in such a great mood!

Now we're home and the kiddos had some warm, honey milk (that I bought with my last couple of dollars) and are sleeping soundly as I go over this beautiful day in my head and feel it in my heart.

I have no money...  but a full tank of gas, enough food for tomorrow, sweet, healthy kiddos, and a heart that is overflowing with gratitude.

xoxo

Found My Wallet! All Is Well...

Tiana found my wallet between her bed and behind the dresser.... hmmmm. Don't know how that happened... doesn't matter now. Have it and all is well.

I've got a busy week ahead of me! Feels so good!

Tuesday and Wednesday I'll be getting things together and set up for my Ayurveda class that starts on Friday, getting two projects/homework assignments wrapped up, yoga class on Wednesday night, coffee shop "shoppin" on Thursday... feeling productive again! Ayurveda classes Friday, Saturday and Sunday! Love the schedule... it fits in with my mama schedule. ;)

Did Hear My Favorite Song Today ;)

I was on my way to the canyon from my crazy day down below and I heard my favorite song of all time.... LL Cool J's - I Need Love :)

Love him and have always loved this song. When I was younger, I remember writing the lyrics, rewinding the song (tape deck), writing more lyrics, rewinding the song.... over and over until I memorized it.

"I Need Love"

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occurred, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amour kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminisce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love

Romance sheer delight how sweet
I gotta find me a girl to make my life complete
You can scratch my back, we'll get cozy and huddle
I'll lay down my jacket so you can walk over a puddle
I'll give you a rose, pull out your chair before we eat
kiss you on the cheek and say ooh girl you're so sweet
It's deja vu whenever I'm with you
I could go on forever telling you what I do
But where you at you're neither here or there
I swear I can't find you anywhere
Damn sure you ain't in my closet, or under my rug
this love search is really making me bug
And if you know who you are why don't you make yourself seen
take the chance with my love and you'll find out what I mean
Fantasy's can run but they can't hide
and when I find you I'm gon' pour all my love inside
I need love
I need love

I wanna kiss you hold you never scold you just love you
suck on you neck, caress you and rub you
Grind moan and never be alone
if you're not standing next to me you're on the phone
Can't you hear it in my voice, I need love bad
I've got money but love's something I've never had
I need your ruby red lips sweet face and all
I love you more than a man who's 10 feet tall
I'd watch the sunrise in your eyes
we're so in love when we hug we become paralyzed
Our bodies explode in ecstasy unreal
you're as soft as a pillow and I'm as hard as steel
It's like a dream land, I can't lie I never been there
maybe this is an experience that me and you can share
Clean and unsoiled yet sweaty and wet
I swear to you this is something that I'll never forget
I need love
I need love

See what I mean I've changed I'm no longer
a play boy on the run I need something that's stronger
Friendship, trust honor respect admiration
this whole experience has been such a revelation
It's taught me love and how to be a real man
to always be considerate and do all I can
Protect you you're my lady and you mean so much
my body tingles all over from the slightest touch
Of your hand and understand I'll be frozen in time
till we meet face to face and you tell me you're mine
If I find you girl I swear I'll be a good man
I'm not gonna leave it in destiny's hands
I can't sit and wait for my princess to arrive
I gotta struggle and fight to keep my dream alive
I'll search the whole world for that special girl
when I finally find you watch our love unfurl
I need love
I need love

Girl, listen to me
When I be sittin' in my room all alone, staring at the wall
fantasies, they go through my mind
And I've come to realize that I need true love
and if you wanna give it to me girl make yourself seen
I'll be waiting
I love you

What A Day, Uggh...

So, last week my wallet went missing. I'm not really sure what happened to it. I've never lost my wallet before, so it's a little odd and a bummer.

After my beautiful weekend of Yoga and Ayurveda, I went to the store with my kiddos on Monday. We had a lovely, smooth shopping adventure and when we came to the registers to pay.... I couldn't find my wallet. I had my purse, but no wallet.

Poor Tiana (11) was immediately feeling like it was her fault. She said she had gotten in my purse to get gum and may have knocked my wallet out. In the chaos of being in line and having the five kiddos hangin', I was trying to understand what she was getting at. I wasn't sure if she was positive she lost it, or just felt like it was her fault when really it had nothing to do with her. In the end, it had nothing to do with her. I tried to comfort her and let her know this was not her doing.

Isaiah (7) was just concerned about the popcorn. ;) He really wanted the popcorn and was super bummed. The cashier was great and just observing all of this. In the end he put a sample sticker on the popcorn and made Isaiah's day.

'Oh well' I thought. No worries... it can't be far. It has to be somewhere close.

Well, here I am, over a week later and still haven't come upon it.

I went and got my emissions done today.... it failed, but I just need a new gas cap according to the emissions man. Okay, I can hang. I need to purchase a new cap and go back for another full test.

Then headed to the tags place to extend my temp (sounds silly, but I only had just enough money for new tags/emissions... not a gas cap, too)... can't do anything with the tags without a license. My license is in my wallet- somewhere unknown to me.

During all of this, my little man Malik (4) was having a rough day. Everything was overwhelming for him today.... from not getting what he wanted right that minute, to what it was he was craving, to his brothers words and actions. I can handle that for a bit, but during everything else and continuing all day... I am drained.

We also stopped by the grocery store only to realize I didn't have my debit, no cash on me and couldn't write a check without my license. Realized that at the checkstand, after she rang me up. :(

Malik had a melt down right there while Keenan (almost 2) was playing with the different gum packages.

I had to keep it together, apologize to the cashier, gather the boys, leave our groceries, go to the bank, unload the boys, get cash from a cashier who knows me (because again, no license), load the boys, head back to the grocery store, unload the boys, pay for the groceries, apologize again, load the boys and the groceries and head up the hill to pick up my girls from school.

What a day.

So no new tags, no new temp either. Still no license, no wallet.

'Exhale.'

All of the kiddos are sleeping now and I'm headed to the hot bath... maybe a little yoga and/or meditation afterwards.

Yay! In School...

I cannot contain myself... this is it! I'm in school... in school learning about what I love and have a passion for (Ayurveda and Yoga). Mmmmmm....

I got a call today from Dona at my Ayurvedic School (my school ;). She wanted to make sure I made it to my Wednesday night class and that I was going to continue. I did go last night and plan on continuing. Still not so sure about the financial side of things.... but it'll work out. ;)

Dona reminded me of the Ayurveda 1 class that is coming up next week. She offered me the "work study" student opportunity for that particular class.... this means I will be assisting the teacher/guru in the class with everything from cleaning to copying and registering other students in return for at least 1/2, possibly ALL of my tuition for that class being covered! Yay! Of course I accepted her offer.

This is so surreal and super exciting.... I feel blessed and grateful.

I am still working on the finances for the Yoga 200 Hr. course and would LOVE to participate in the PanchaKarma course that is coming my way... one step at a time. 'Exhale'

I had my ex stay at "my" house to watch the kiddos last weekend and last night while I was in class (yep, I was in class!). He lives in a roommate situation that is not healthy or beneficial for the kids to be in. He also doesn't have the space where he lives. I thought the kids would be more comfortable staying in their own environment.

When I came home, my ex was saying he thought my roommate didn't want him here. He felt tension when she was around and said her words seemed to have an edge to them. I was concerned so I asked her tonight what she thought of him and if she wanted to talk about him being in her space. She said everything had been fine and he was good with the kids. She's pretty straight forward, so hopefully this all smooths out. I think it will be fine... he'll hopefully have his own place soon, closer to his new job where the kids will be welcomed and comfortable.

I am just overflowing with gratefulness.... grateful to my kiddos for encouraging me and being amazing, grateful to my ex for stepping up, grateful to my roommate for sharing her space which is allowing me to live, grow and breathe- helping me to build a foundation and be on my own with my crew.... grateful to the Universe for always "havin' my back."

Next step... gotta buy the books...

Oh, Universe.... ;)

Up, Up.... Here We Go

I had the most fabulous weekend!

It all started on Friday, early evening.... around 4:30ish. My ex had decided to come by for a visit and while he was here, he took a look at my resume and offered to "fix" it. I was good with that, knowing he has the corporate background and experience with resumes. He also helped me with a cover letter... a very boring cover letter. Yet, it seems that is what all of the companies are looking for. I am grateful to him for helping me out.

As I got bored looking for "Help Wanted" ads, I decided to check out some schools for Ayurveda. I got on Google and typed it in.

I found one tucked away up here in the beautiful Rocky Mountains. It ended up only being about 25 minutes from my home. Not that I have the money, but I do have the dream, so I called the number on my screen.

I spoke with a woman named Dona.... yes, that is how she spells it. ;) She was amazing.... super friendly, positive, upbeat, and just lovely. She told me about the different programs and that one was starting that night at 6pm. That was only in 1 1/2 hours from the time when we first spoke. The program was for Yoga certification... that would mean I could get certified to be a Yoga Teacher. That is just the beginning of many courses that could lead me to my Ayurvedic Practitioner Degree.

My heart was beating and I was soaring! I couldn't help but to think.... 'Wow, my ex just happens to be here right now. He could stay at my house for the weekend and watch the kiddos. I could swap him cars so he has enough room for all of them in case he needs to go somewhere. This is my dream coming true!'

So the program was only $3000 and I could make payments.... hmmmm. I haven't even paid my small amount of rent, how could I come up with any of that? I had $0 to my name. Dona was super willing to work with me, but I just couldn't wrap my head around the "how." How was I going to come up with a deposit? I didn't know, but I knew it was going to work out somehow.... it just had to. This particular school doesn't have a student loan program either.

Their Yoga Certification course requires me to be gone for one weekend a month and every Wednesday night until June. That would be feasible. It sounded great for my schedule. I really felt that the kids could hang with me being absent for that period of time. I also felt as if it's not asking so much of my ex to watch them during my classes.

I got off the phone and decided to jump in a nice, hot bath and let it go. I had to put it out there and stop being worried about it. I was still searching for ways to make this happen, but at the same time trying to 'just know' if it was meant to be, it would happen. I got out of the tub, saddened and bummed. So, I decided to clean the kitchen and get dinner started. I was thinking that maybe I'd catch the next course.

The phone rang around 5:30pm and it was Dona! She said she had never felt this way and usually doesn't say things like this, but that she felt I should come anyway. She said maybe I could get the money thing together after the weekend.

I couldn't even keep it together... I was extremely excited! I talked to my ex, my kiddos and then packed my bags and ran out the door!

My Tiana (11) said, "Way to go, Mom! You did it! You manifested it!"

My Jayden (9) was sad. She hadn't been feeling good and just wanted Mom. We had a great talk and she was bummed, but excited for me. She knew this was for all of us, not just Mom.

My boys were good with it... Dad was around. They were excited to spend time with him. Even though Keenan is not quite two, and doesn't quite speak... I had a feeling he was even okay with it. I told him good-bye for now and he was sad for a moment.

I was going to a Yoga weekend, training... can you believe it?!? I was headed to a retreat! A spa weekend, learning about what I love (Ayurveda and Yoga) and getting that me time in that was SO needed.

I learned an incredible amount of knowledge. I learned about Human Anatomy... unlike any high school lesson. I learned the history and geography of Yoga. I learned of the connection between Ayurveda and Yoga. I did Yoga 4 hours a day, meditation, relaxation, Pranayamas... all while being surrounded by beautiful, loving, compassionate beings.

So, now is Monday and I'm on a high. I still haven't figured out how to pay for the schooling, so I'm not sure if I will be able to continue.... but I do have an amazing feeling that this may just work out.

There is an Ayurveda I course starting in two weeks and a PanchaKarma course starting shorting there-after.... and a Yoga Therapy course in the summer along with Famliy Ayurveda. I want it all. I am ready for all of that and the rest of their courses. I am going to be an Ayurvedic Practitioner. This all costs money. Each course is additional... and the books that go along with the courses... and whatever other costs are associated with schooling.

I am not sure how this will pull together... but I sure do feel good about it.

Universe... please. I am ready to commit.

Oh, I didn't get the Ayurveda office job. No worries, I guess it wasn't meant for me. I have been applying to other "Wellness" jobs. We'll see what comes out of that.

My ex DID get a job!!! Yay, he is finally employed! He starts on Feb. 21st. He's back doing computer help desk stuff. I am excited for him and excited for me and the kiddos. We will now be getting some good child support and just maybe my ex will get situated and continue to be in the kid's lives consistently..... no expectations, though. Just wishful thinking. ;)