Love... feelings... hmmmm...

Working out some feelings and emotions. Crazy how grounded I've felt compared to recent uncertainty. I am growing for sure... learning and expanding all over the place. If this is love and this is how I feel with it... forget it! I'd rather feel grounded and secure than insecure and open to being hurt. I have wanted love in my life and the security of being with one man... a man that is my best friend, soul mate and protector. But am I ready for that? Am I up for it? I have found him and I'm chasing him off. I am for sure pushing him away and can't help it. Seems he has some walls that I would only be able to penetrate slowly.... and I don't seem to have the patience for that. I'm an all or none... get in or out... right now type of girl. I've fought that and tried to slow down and do more in the "middle." I'm just not sure how that is working out for me. Actually, it's driving me nuts. I know what I want and I am ready now. But, he's not. I need to step back and let him play that out. In the end, whatever happens, happens and I'll be okay with it... I've gotta be. :)