Feeling Like Staying Put

I received a hand delivered letter yesterday from the real estate agent that is heading up our eviction.  It is a relocation assistance offer....

The bank will pay me $1700 if I move us out by the sixth of April.....really?  Move this family in seven days?  That $1700 will go fast and then where will we be?  That's your offer?

$900 if I move us out by the 22nd of April.  

The girls only have two months left of school....eight weeks.  They catch the bus every morning about five blocks from the house.  

Let's see....$1700.... ideally, first months rent and deposit for a place to live, moving costs, gas to drive my girls to their bus stop every day if I cannot locate a home in their current school district.  Still no child support.  A job?  Have one....raising my five beautiful kiddos.  There is no paycheck, no cash income for that though.  If I had a safe place for them all, I would work.  I worked during my entire marriage and enjoyed it.   

I do have one back up plan....a friend has a two bedroom, garden level apartment in his home.  He is trying to fix up and sell the house.  It has no well water or city water.  He trucks in water and dumps it into a cistern that feeds the house.  It would be like camping....not able to take long showers and use tons of water.  He called it GI Joe style living.  I wouldn't be able to unpack our things, as it would only be a temporary solution.  It is down the mountain, farther from my girls school.

Really surrendering at this point.  Trying to stay grounded and make the right choices for this amazing family.  I knew this day was coming, but never saw another option.  I know, in my core, it is all going to work out beautifully.  I just have to remind myself of that and keep my head up. 

Things to be grateful for....beautiful, healthy kiddos, our time in this amazing sanctuary, organic food at the food banks, an incredible older daughter that is rocking at this thing called life, friends, family and community.  So many earth angels and blessings along the way, too.  

Not thinking we'll move with that offer.  It's more than I have now, but it will go fast.  Thinking it over....

Dearest Fannie Mae Mortgage Company....

You wouldn't know me by name or story.  I am just another "case" of foreclosure.... another number.  A tenant that has fallen into a situation that unknowingly would cause more instability, when stability was the #1 goal.  A family that is being forced to move to an unknown destination.

Yes, I knew this was happening.  It was a little late in the game when I found out, but I knew the foreclosure was in process.  I have been diligently searching for another opportunity...another rental that would allow a single mother of five (six including my amazing, beautiful girl in college now) to call home.  A home we can retreat to that is sacred and special.  A place we can finally come home to and KNOW it won't be taken from us....we won't be evicted due to non-payment, we won't have to leave due to foreclosure, we won't have to worry about leaving due to our size or noise level.  There won't be some unstable man living upstairs from us.  It will be our stable, sanctuary where we can plant roots.  A place when the children can grow, be safe, and always know it's their's.

Hard to do when child support is "every now and then."  Hard to do when my passion and love in life is raising these beautiful beings, guiding them, nourishing them, feeding their souls as they grow...being a true mother.  Hard to balance in this world.

Fine...challenge....I've had my share.  I also realize MANY have it much worse than we do.  My problems are "first world" in comparison.  

I can't give up....not never.  ;)  Consider me the "Ultimate Mama Warrior."

I can work 60 hours a week and let others raise them?  Not for me or this crew.  Notice the rest of society?  Notice the lack of love, parenting, time, guidance, attention, and focus on our families in this society?  What is important....really?  Life is but a blink in time...what is important?

Here's the deal, Fannie.... this family has been homeless on three separate occasions now.  We have camped it, lived in emergency family housing, stayed with family and friends (for a night at a time, due to our large size), and have had more than our share of days on beans and rice.

These kiddos have seen/felt/experienced alcoholism, have been in unacceptable situations (that have only made them stronger), have had to use critical thinking (thank you, they now are experts), and have learned patience, gained wisdom, struggled with balance, trust and stability.  We are learning, growing and challenged with contrast and expansion on a regular basis.

Grateful in so many ways..... but this is no longer acceptable.

Fannie, you own MANY properties....you really need this one?  Evicting a single mama of five to gain profit?  Not working with my lease because it is a month-to-month....but if it happened to be a year lease, I could have more time?

Maybe you can help me explain to my girls that we have to move before school is over.  Two months til school is out and because we don't have a year lease, we have 30 days to move.

Fannie, we just found this school.  The old school in the canyon that the girls have been attending for 3 years closed this past year for financial reasons....they lost their only stability besides me.  Can't we just finish the school year?

Rules, laws, regulations, guidelines.....you don't know our family?  You don't care?  There is no room for human"ness?"  WHY?

Tiana is 13 now and amazing!  She just finished volleyball and had a great season.  She has a band performance tomorrow night and will be playing drums.

Jayden?  She is 11....almost 12 now.  She has a choir performance tonight.  She is really excited to sing on stage and will be in her element.  This has been a tough year for her.  Emotions have ran high....entering a public school for the first time, dealing with her feelings about her father being absent, having a stable home environment.  This one is my most sensitive.

Isaiah...he's 9 now.  He LOVES skateboarding and is smart as a whip!  He has great energy and is fun to be around....quite the character.  He has a hard time relating to men in his life.  He seems to withdraw when they are around.

Malik is my amazing, energetic, fireball.  He is definitely a mountain man and enjoys the outdoors.  He also LOVES skateboarding.  His challenges are mostly with speech.  

Keenan....my little man.  This little guy is almost four and my most stubborn.  ;)  It will serve him as he gets older, I'm sure.  What a strength in my life.

Fannie, this is my incredible crew.  This is the family that will be moving soon and leaving their only sanctuary. We are always taken care of and I know this will be no different...somehow it ALWAYS works out beautifully.

Just know, this mama is tired.  I don't want to move.  I don't want these children to have to move AGAIN.  These beautiful souls deserve, crave and would thrive with stability.   

I know you are hoping for more money, but don't forget the families that are affected....the children that suffer....the parents guilt from the weight of it all.  There is room for human"ness" in all of this.  Maybe an addendum needs to be created.  ;)